Timshel
by Eliot Rosewater
Summary: It begins and ends in a forest. And in between, Loki falls.
1. Chapter 1

**John Steinbeck wrote in _East of Eden_, "And there is one sure thing about the fall of gods: they do not fall a little; they crash and shatter or sink deeply into green muck. It is a tedious job to build them up again; they never quite shine. . . . It is an aching kind of growing."**

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><p><em>Beyond the palace walls and the city gates, past the poor men's farms and the open fields, and at the base of the mountains, there is a forest. It is not particularly large, this forest. But it is teeming with game and home to all manner of creatures. In the middle of this forest there is a lake. This lake is fed by the periodic melting of the snow on the mountaintops. The water rushes down their rocky surfaces and splashes down a waterfall into the otherwise placid lake. The round body of water snakes slowly away and out of the forest, across open fields and poor men's farms, and into the city gates. Once there, it rushes right off the edge of the world. Or so it seems.<em>

_ It is to this lake that Thor is headed now. He had spent countless hours in that forest when he was young. He used to hunt there. He fought there on several occasions and cried on a few. Friendships were forged and broken and forged again under that green canopy. Thor has been injured in that forest, but so has virtually everyone else. This forest is the backdrop for several of his fondest memories. _

_ So as he walks along opposite the river's current, he feels as though he is walking back in time. He can imagine himself becoming lighter, freer. He pretends he can hear the shouts of laughter and joy echoing back to him from some time long past. Such is the nature of rivers, he thinks. They are children running full-tilt away from their homes, out into the wild, adventurous world. Only then they slow when they realize they have left behind something that cannot be replaced. The water rushes on and never comes back. A river you leave is never the same when you come back. Perhaps this is why Thor likes the lake so much. Though not a true lake, the water there has hardly any current at all. At the lake, he can fool himself into thinking that time is standing still. At the lake, he is outside the laws of time. He can be visited by things that have already happened or that are yet to happen. Thor can sit beside that lake and be untouched by the universe. _

_ Beside the lake, Thor can be._

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><p>Thor was a loud child. Thunderous. He would scream and stamp his feet. He talked to everyone that walked by him, even the servants. His smiles came easy and he laughed often. All of Asgard was immediately taken with him. They all knew that great things were sure to come from the boisterous Odinson. And so when Thor had just barely outgrown the word 'toddler,' he was accustomed to attention. And as any only-child, he loved it.<p>

As a new mother, Frigga was perfectly willing to provide that adoring attention. She would sit with him in the nursery, watching the child walk unsteadily among all the gifts and playthings. Thor walked among them and picked each up, declaring it his. Frigga thought that he was truly a king's son. After only a few minutes, Thor lost interest in all the toys. He sat down beside his mother and frowned.

"Momma," he said, "I do not like any of these."

"Why ever not?"

"They don't talk back. It's no fun to play by myself."

"All of the other children are at home, child. It is too late to play with them," she reasoned.

"Why can't they stay here?"

"Because this isn't their home."

"But it is no fun to be here by myself," Thor complained.

Frigga bit her lip. What Thor wanted she could not provide him with. Not that she didn't want to. Perhaps she could speak with Odin about them taking on a ward from one of the nobles when the king returned from war. Surely the lords would be willing to let their children be raised in the palace. It was considered an honor (and a way to ensure loyalty, but who's keeping score?). The more Frigga thought about it, the better she liked the idea.

And so a year later, on Thor's birthday, Odin All-father returned victoriously from war with Jötunheim. Frigga sat outside while Thor wandered the garden ("I'm looking for trolls!"). She was casting little creatures made of light for her own amusement. Her own mother used to do this for her when she told stories at bedtime. These had been the first charms she'd learned to cast. They were simple and, frankly, unimpressive. But she liked them more for their sentimental value than their actual appearance.

All the floating animals faded to nothing when a shout rented the air. Frigga knew without a doubt that that voice was Thor's. Though it did not sound particularly distressed and he was not a stranger to shouting, she sprang to her feet and took off in the direction of the voice. Wind whipped in her ears as she moved. Not even regal gowns could slow her down.

"Oh!" she said when she found the source of the sound. There stood Odin kneeling before Thor, the latter with a bundle in his arms. Her exclamation was due more to her husband's missing eye than anything else.

Odin looked up at her when she came to a stop. There was a nervous smile on his face. Frigga was immediately suspicious. Thor turned to look at her too.

"Momma, look!" he positively screamed with excitement. "Look! Papa brought me a brother!"

"A brother?" she said breathlessly. Her head might as well have been lost inside a cloud. Indeed, when she looked closely at her son, she saw that the bundle that just barely fit in his small, round arms was definitely a live child. Eyes darting to Odin, she said much more sharply, "A brother."

Odin rose to his full height. "Yes. Let us go inside. I'll tell you all about him." He turned to Thor and said of the infant, "Give him here, Thor."

"_NO_!" Thor shouted. "He's mine! You gave him to me, and it's my birthday!"

"Fine," Odin said, frustrated. He was clearly weary, and his reunion was not going as planned. "Then be _careful_ you don't drop him. Walk slowly."

The All-father shepherded his wife and son back toward the veranda. Thor was enthralled by his father's gift. A brother! Finally someone to talk to! Someone who would talk back! He wouldn't be alone anymore. Thor wouldn't even mind sharing his toys and all his attention with this new person. Because hadn't Odin said that this was _Thor's_ brother? He sat down in one of the low chairs and laid his baby brother across his legs, supporting his head as Odin had showed him to do.

Thor looked up at his parents. They were on the other end of the veranda and talking quietly. If he didn't know any better, Thor would have thought that they didn't want him to know what they were saying. He shrugged and looked back down to his brand-spanking-new brother. Still asleep. Thor wished that he would wake up so that they could get to knowing each other immediately.

It must have been the longest time Thor had ever sat still. His parents were still talking when he shifted his brother off his legs and held his back against his chest. The baby went on sleeping. Secretly, Thor wished the motion would wake him up.

"You sure do sleep a lot," Thor said aloud. "What do I have to do to wake you up?"

One of his new brother's hands curled around Thor's interlocked fingers. He didn't wake up at all, but Thor sat there smiling like an idiot anyway. As if that was all he had ever wanted to happen anyway. And although Thor doesn't remember meeting Loki for the first time, he knows that - however it happened - it was the happiest day of his life.

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><p>Years later, Thor sat in on his father's council. Odin had insisted that he do this a few months prior. And Thor found that it was dreadfully boring. But because he was a little bit frightened of his father and disobeying his will, Thor never complained about it (to Odin's face). Thor knew that he only had to come here because he was going to be king one day, and the sooner he knew all of this boring nobles-and-lords nonsense, the better off he'd be.<p>

Thor disagreed with this logic. As long as he knew all of this junk by the time Odin died or abdicated the throne, then there was no reason for Thor to be learning all of this stuff _now_. Frigga even told Odin that it was a bit extreme to have Thor, who was still considered a boy, at these meetings. It was beside the point that, even though Thor was there in body, his mind was far away.

Most of the time, Thor sat in his seat beside Odin and thought about running to the forest with Loki and his friends as soon as he was released from this chamber. Once the council adjourns, Odin will dismiss everyone and grill Thor about what was just said and why it was important. This was the worst part because it meant that these boring sessions were almost over, and Thor would have to tell his father that he wasn't paying the slightest bit of attention the whole time. Frankly, Thor thought that he wouldn't be able to pay attention the whole time even if he _was_ trying.

One time Loki had complained that _he_ never got to sit in on council meetings. Odin allowed him into the next one. Thor was very happy about this because he would be able to make faces at someone and it wouldn't be so bad. That didn't turn out to happen. Loki sat ramrod straight and was hanging on the counselors' every word. It was quite amusing to see such a look of concentration on a child's face. After the meeting ended, Odin asked both of his sons to analyze what was said. Loki launched into the most in-depth explanation Thor'd ever heard. Thor didn't say a word, feeling foolish. His little brother knew what _subtext_ was.

Needless to say, Odin was impressed. He gave Thor a stern look that said, "If your little brother can do this, then why won't you? He is practically still a baby!" (Loki was not.) Perhaps to humiliate Thor, Odin asked Loki if he would like to show-up his older brother every time he went to a meeting. Loki cocked his head to the side and refused. He said that it was incredibly boring to be here all day. It is not worth being king if he has to suffer through all this endless _talking_. _See,_ Thor wanted to shout. _He knows what's going on and he _still _doesn't want to be here!_

But he learned to pay some attention and was able to get through Odin's grilling with only a minimal amount of grasping at straws. A few times Thor did very well and Odin would smile at him. Thor lived for these moments. It actually went so far as to make him try to follow the counselors' conversations a little bit. That smile was always small and brief, hidden beneath that beard. But it was there and it meant that all this time wasn't wasted. It was that sort of faith and confidence that allowed Thor to not completely give up on the idea of being king. (Before, he figured once he was given the throne, he would abdicate _immediately_. They would all have a good laugh at seeing the look on Loki's face when he realized that he had to rule them now. Thor would finally have tricked him!)

Anyway, after a particularly boring meeting about war (which was the counselors' favorite topic), Thor repeated all the important parts to Odin. And Odin was satisfied with what he said.

"Good," the king commented. "You are dismissed."

Thor jumped up from his seat and walk-ran out of the hall. Once out of his father's line of sight, Thor began to really run. He dashed around the servants and the nobles. He took the stairs three at a time. When he made it to the veranda out back, he jumped right off of it. Thor didn't slow down until he made it to the yew tree in the center of the gardens.

Never coming to a full stop, Thor shouted at the tree, "Let's go!"

Loki dropped down from the branches and followed. Together they ran the length of the garden and climbed the outer wall. Thor practically threw his brother over the bricks. Then he scaled it himself. They scurried without stopping through the dingy part of the city. Soon, they were outside city limits. Thor walked behind Loki when they made it to the farm. Tall stalks of barely brushed their heads as they moved though the field. The farm ended at a low fence. Thor and Loki slid between the slats and ran through the open field. Weeds and tall grasses scratched playfully at them. The plain ended quite suddenly at the long, straight tree line of the forest. The brothers ran straight into it.

Loki climbed one of the trees, and Thor kept running. There were insects chirping and birds shrieking their dismay when Loki swung too close to them in the treetops. Boots pounding, Thor ran right off a ledge and jumped into the lake fully-clothed. When he reemerged at the surface, he was laughing. Loki swung from the top of a tree like some sort of monkey before crashing into the water not two feet from Thor. The splash served only to make Thor laugh more.

Maybe an hour later, they dragged themselves onto the shore. Hanging their shirts to dry in the breeze, both of them lay down in a swath of sunshine in their breeches. Loki rolled his head so that he was facing Thor. "How was it today?"

"The same. Boring. Repetitive."

"Too bad."

"How were your lessons?"

"The same. I could have just read it all in a book. They waste resources paying someone to 'teach' me these things."

Thor hummed in response. He was quite used to his brother being a know-it-all. And he was probably right about the palace paying a tutor to teach him. Thor thought he wouldn't be surprised if Loki started teaching the tutors any day now. Most people found him annoying in this respect, but Thor didn't. Most people were just embarrassed that they were wrong and that it was pointed out by a child. So they pretended like it was Loki's fault that they were uninformed.

The two of them breathed for a while under the sun. Thor wished he could spend more time here. There was so much he always had to do back at the palace. He thought he was too young to worry about so many things at one time. Besides sitting in on councils, he had his own lessons to keep up on, and there was weapons training. He always stole away to the forest whenever there was a chance. It was less stressful out here. He sighed with content.

"You are quiet," Thor observed.

"Am I?" Loki said.

"Yes."

"Then so are you."

"What is the new woman like?" he asked purely to keep their words flowing. "That new one that Father hired. What is her name again?"

"Gullveig."

"Yes. Her."

Not too long ago, the caregiver that helped Frigga attend her children had been married. It had happened quite suddenly, and the woman, Arnhildr, gave only a day's notice. She stepped down from the position politely, if not suddenly. Since then, the king and queen had scoured the realm for a suitable replacement. Seemingly from nowhere, the woman Gullveig appeared and applied for the job. Eventually, they settled on her. Loki was the one that had to spend the most time with her. He had not been very enthusiastic about the first one, and he was even less so toward the second.

"She is informed," Loki finally said of Gullveig.

Thor laughed. "That is fortunate. The most important quality in help is being informed."

"It was the nicest thing I could think of that was true."

"I hope she is up to the task of weathering your behavior."

Because Loki found all these babysitters (as he called them) quite unnecessary and insulting, he often made them the butt of his jokes. Arnhildr was good at reining in her exasperation when Loki played pranks on her. From what Thor had heard about the new one, she was not as good at putting up with his brother. Thor was always glad that these people were around and that Loki didn't particularly care for them. As undiplomatic as that was, Thor was just glad that Loki was too busy ruffling their feathers so that he didn't play any jokes on him in the babysitters' absence.

"Her patience is certainly thin."

Both of them laughed at that.

Later, when the sun was making its descent, Thor decided it was time they make their way back to the palace. Frigga worried if they weren't in before dark. As he had become accustomed to doing, Thor grabbed Loki by the arm to look him over for injury. He had started this ritual when Frigga reprimanded Thor for bringing Loki home bleeding. It had been an accident. Loki hadn't even realized that he had a cut until she pointed it out. Her lecture had scared Thor enough into making sure his little brother never came home less than perfect.

Loki resented this ritual. So when Thor took hold of his arm, Loki twisted out of his grip.

"I am perfectly whole," he said frowning.

"Then you won't care if I make sure."

"There is no need. I just told you I was. I would know better than you."

"But it is not you who will be shouted at if you're lying."

Loki got a sly look in his eye. "Then you'll just have to trust me."

And Thor did. When they walked all the way back to the palace in damp clothes, neither had a blemish on them. The next day, the two brothers went to the lake again. And they did so the next day and the day after that.

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><p>Finally the day came when lessons would be suspended for a few weeks. This usually meant that combat training could pick up in earnest. But that was not a big deal for Thor. He was glad to be out in the sparring fields if it meant that he'd be too busy to go to the council chambers. He thought he got the gist of that aspect of being king anyway.<p>

As it stood now, their training session would end early. Thor caught Fandral's eye from across the ring. They both agreed to meet in the forest as soon as this was over. Fandral would pass the word on to Volstagg and Hogun. Thor would have to liberate Loki from Gullveig's care. His brother had caused a particularly spectacular bout of trouble for the caregiver and was now on lockdown. At this point in time, Thor had no idea how he was supposed to achieve that. Loki was usually the one that came up with the plans. But he had been serving his punishment for an entire week now. The brothers had been cut off from communicating because of it. The only time they had seen each other was when Thor sat outside the door. When Gullveig opened it step out, Thor had caught a brief glimpse of Loki grinning at him and mouthing the words "worth it."

Training was called to a close. Thor dumped his dulled practice sword in the armory and took off towards the palace. Outside the gates he realized that his mother must have just returned from Vanaheim. (From the boring meetings Thor sat in on, he knew that tension between Asgard and Vanaheim was very high. His mother had gone there as a diplomat and to discourage war. Personally, Thor thought that was futile.) A plan fell into Thor's mind. It wasn't a very good one, but perhaps it would be enough to buy him the time he needed to get Loki away.

He walked at that awkward speed that wasn't walking but was not the proper motion for running (the I-gotta-go-to-the-bathroom-_now_ speed). Outside the gilded door, Thor stopped and knocked. There was a skirmish on the other side. He wondered what could possibly be going on. In all likelihood, Loki was probably already dead from boredom. After a few beats, Gullveig opened the door just enough for her face to stick out.

"Yes?" she said stiffly.

Thor tried to do his best innocent smile. He was an awful liar, but he was not actually lying, was he? Just making assumptions. He said, "Queen Frigga has returned from Vanaheim. She would like to see my brother so she can deal with him herself."

There. That wasn't so bad. If Frigga had any idea the trouble Loki had caused in her absence, she certainly would have liked to talk to him. Frigga was usually the first person that cared for Loki and Thor. It was only in times like these where she was needed as a diplomat or envoy, or when Odin was away and she was acting as regent, that Gullveig had any substantial responsibilities.

Gullveig looked at Thor doubtfully. "And she sent _you_ to tell me, did she?"

Thor nodded. The fake smile on his face felt like it might crack his cheeks. "She missed him. You know how mothers are about their youngest."

She was not impressed. But the door swung open only a little bit wider, and Loki forced his way out through the space. He didn't even spare a glance at Thor, but kept on down the hall. Thor smiled once more at the caregiver and hurried to catch up with his brother. Neither spoke or slowed down until they were out of her sight.

"You're welcome," Thor said smugly.

Loki looked over his shoulder at his brother. "That was pitiful."

"The point is that it worked."

"Your plans need more work."

"Come on," Thor said as he began to run. "We're meeting them at the lake."

Loki ran to keep up with him. Walking though the long lines of grains, Thor decided that his brother was moving too slowly. Their friends would be wondering where they were. They wouldn't leave without them, would they?

"Walk faster," Thor said. He pushed Loki in the back.

Loki stumbled but did as Thor said. When they broke the tree line, both of them stayed on the ground. Once they were close enough to hear the others talking, Thor started sprinting. He crashed right into Fandral, tackling him into the water. The enormous splash drenched Hogun and Volstagg. Loki approached and held up a hand in greeting. They glared at his convenient timing.

Fandral snuck up behind Hogun and dragged him into the lake, fighting silent protests all the way. Volstagg, not wanting to be left out in all the fun, took a running start before he leapt off the ledge that Thor usually claimed. There was a tremendous splash as he broke the surface.

"You landed on me!" Fandral accused.

"Oh, you're just fine!" Volstagg thundered back.

Hogun took the opportunity to exact his revenge on Fandral, dragging the other down to the bottom of the lake. A very enthusiastic water-fight broke out among them. Loki did not feel like swimming today, so he sat on the bank and watched. Even though he had spent close to a week confined to a single room, he felt tired. Perhaps it was the reduction in the food quantity (and its quality). Normally, Loki could (and would) eat more food than Thor in a shorter amount of time. Any day now Volstagg would have to challenge the younger Odinson to a contest and defend his eating title.

Before long, Loki grew bored (as he often did). Deciding to go for a walk, he collected a few sticks and arranged them in an arrow pointing toward the direction he intended to go. Volstagg was the first to notice his absence some time later. As the oldest, he was much quicker to notice when something like a child wandering off had occurred. When Volstagg raised the question, Thor whipped his head around searching for his brother.

"He must have gotten bored and wandered off," Fandral said. "He'll come back once he's gotten bored again."

Thor worried his bottom lip between his teeth. Their mother had just returned today. She would be upset when she heard about what Loki did. And she would be _very_ upset if Thor brought him home bad shape. Perhaps her worry would neutralize the anger and she would be as pleasant as always. Thor was an optimistic child.

Nevertheless, he said, "I'd better go find him. Probably restless after being cooped up so long."

"We shall come too!" Volstagg nobly declared.

"That's not necessary. He's _my _brother. I'll take care of him." _I want to; it's my job_, he thought but didn't say aloud. For Loki's sake.

So he headed off into the woods in the direction that a stick arrow indicated. Young though he may be, Loki almost always left some sort of clue when it seemed that he had disappeared from the face of the planet. More often than not, Thor found him in the end.

Colorful birds flitted about above him. A few duller birds of prey watched him out of the corners of their eyes. Most of their attention was on the river before the lake. Thor was sure he heard a moose lumbering away from him. He was sure to make a lot of noise so that the animals would know that he was coming. (Odin had taught both of his sons to do this when he took them on their first hunt in this very forest.) If his clothes weren't so wet, Thor might have actually enjoyed the walk. He wished that he'd brought a bow with him. What a tease to be surrounded by so many animals when he had no suitable weapon. Thor had called Loki's name a few times before he heard a response. He kept up the shouting until he could see his brother through the branches and vines. Loki stood at the base of a great tree in a small clearing. Its branches reached out to almost exactly where the tree line started. Neck craned, Loki was staring up into those old branches.

Thor approached asking, "What are you so interested in?"

Loki turned at the sound of his voice. An odd look was on his face, like that of muted horror and disgust. He turned back to the branches. Thor followed his line of sight and said something that he'd only heard the councilmen say about dwarves. Up in the tree, hanging by a rope around its neck, was a body. Upon closer inspection, it showed itself to be a woman. She was completely white, as if all the blood had been drained from her body. Thor stretched onto his toes as if being a few inches closer would help. It took him only a few moments longer to realize that he recognized the body. It was Arnhildr.

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><p><strong>Note:<strong>

**In this story, Asgard operates on a modified feudal system. Gullveig appears in the myths, but I made up Arnhildr. **Title is a reference to John Steinbeck's _East of Eden_. **(Disclaimers, etc.)**

**Cheers,**

**E.R.**


	2. Chapter 2

Thor may have yelped when he realized that he actually knew the body that was hanging in the tree. Grabbing Loki by the shoulders, Thor wrenched his brother away from the scene as if the body would become reanimated if they looked at it too long. Loki resisted Thor's motions but the older brother was strong enough to overpower him.

"Come on," Thor whispered so Arnhildr's body couldn't hear him. "Come _on_, Loki! Let's go."

All but dragging his little brother, Thor made his way back to the lake. Loki kept looking back and tripping for his lack of caution. They crashed back to the lake's shores. Their friends looked up with smiles that melted when they registered the looks on the princes' faces.

"What happened?" Fandral cried.

"There's a body hanging in a tree," Thor said. "It was Arnhildr."

Volstagg's face pinched as he tried to assign meaning to the name. "Loki's handler?"

Loki frowned but didn't saying anything. Thor had enough grace to look offended at the suggestion that his brother needed to be _handled_. (And if anyone was going to handle him, it was going to be Thor or Frigga. But that was beside the point.)

"Someone has to go back and tell the palace," Thor said. "I'll stay here to show them where it is."

"Hogun and I will go," Fandral volunteered.

Volstagg looked relieved that he would not have to hurry off anywhere. Truth be told, Thor was glad that Volstagg hadn't volunteered either.

"Take Loki," Thor said and pushed his little brother forward. The protective side of him didn't want Loki staring at that dead body any longer today. Loki was already acting so odd.

Loki turned around and leveled Thor with a glare. "I can stay. I'm the one that found it in the first place."

Thor found it odd how they were referring to Arnhildr as 'it.' They knew it was a woman, and they knew it was Arnhildr. Why didn't they just say 'her?'

Thor tried his best to look confident and authoritative. "Just go, Loki. You can get to Father or the captain of the guards faster than Fandral or Hogun. Just listen to me _for once_."

With overly-heavy steps, Loki stalked away in the direction of home. Fandral and Hogun ran to catch up with him. Just Thor and Volstagg remained. The oldest looked rather uncomfortable. But he was also very curious.

"What did it look like?" he asked.

Thor raised an eyebrow. "Would you like to see it?" It didn't sound like a good idea, but he was secretly hoping for a second look now that he had collected himself. Maybe he had misspoken. Maybe, if he went back for a second look, it would reveal itself to be someone else, someone he didn't know. Maybe it wouldn't be there at all.

But when Thor led Volstagg to the tree, the body was still hanging from its arboresque gallows. And it was still Arnhildr. His friend gasped at the sight but could not look away. He was just as fascinated as Thor was. Both of them wanted to be closer and to have never known about the body at the same time. Having Volstagg with him made Thor feel a little less panicky. For whatever reason, it was a relief to be the younger one. As they waited and stared, Thor wondered how long Loki had been standing at the base of this tree doing just what he was doing now. Because both of his parents had encouraged Thor to develop the habit, Thor worried about his brother. Even Thor was getting queasy looking at the body – _at Arnhildr _— with Volstagg beside him. What must his brother have been feeling when he was standing here all by himself?

Thor stopped himself from staring before Volstagg. He told his friend that they better get to the tree line so they could meet whoever was coming from the palace. Volstagg agreed, and they left the body alone to sway in the breeze. The two of them sat down in the shade and pulled up the wild grass. They didn't have long to wait before horses could be seen approaching. They both stood so that they'd be more easily seen. Volstagg shouted once and waved his arms to ensure that they were noticed.

Much to Thor's surprise, Odin himself had come. He was accompanied by a few advisors and Einherjar. Fandral, Hogun, and Loki brought up the rear of the group. Thor suspected that the adults didn't even realize that they were being pursued by the youths. Odin dismounted when he neared Thor and Volstagg.

"Is it this way?" he asked.

Throat suddenly dry, Thor just nodded and began to lead the way to the tree. All of his companions seemed relatively quiet for all their armor and weapons. Thor was glad for the noise, little though it was. At the clearing, he stopped on the edge and pointed to the tree. Odin and the rest of them continued on. Loki made to follow the warriors, but Thor stopped him by fisting his hand in the back on his brother's jerkin. He didn't look happy about it, but Loki didn't fight to get free; opting instead to stare with that intense focus at the adults. Thor loosed his grip but didn't let go. Some instinct told him not to let his little brother anywhere near that body.

"Cut it down," they heard Odin say.

One of the Einherjar drew back the string of his bow and let loose an arrow that severed the rope. Thor cringed back when he heard the limp body impact the ground. Almost immediately though, he leaned forward to get a better look. Loki took the opportunity to break out of his grip. Stepping expertly out of Volstagg and Fandral's snatching hands, Loki ran all the way up to the body.

"Hey!" Odin's king-voice boomed. "Get back!"

Loki did not heed the order. He fell to his knees and leaned over Arnhildr's body. He reached out a hand and was a hairsbreadth away from the dead woman's face when one of the Einherjar jerked him back.

"Don't touch it!" he shouted at the child in his arms. To Odin he said, "The thing's completely dry, All-father! Not a drop of blood remains."

Loki fought against the hold like some deranged animal. Thor was running toward them before he was even conscious of the thought. He took his brother from the guard and stepped back from the body. It was quite different to see it up close. Thor felt a little vertigo and a lot of impulse to drag Loki away. His hands tightened instinctively when Odin approached the body. Kneeling down, his father murmured under his breath. A golden mist surrounded Arnhildr's body. Loki strained against Thor's hold to be closer.

"This was no suicide," Odin declared.

"What killed her?" one of the Einherjar asked.

The All-father cast another enchantment over the body. A plum-colored cloud revealed itself. Odin picked up one of the dead woman's arms so that they could all see the slash on her forearm. Loki went rigid in Thor's grip.

"Vanir blood magic," the All-father said. "We must meet at once. The murderer must be found immediately."

Loki squeaked. Everyone turned to him with annoyance. Odin, however, seemed to have realized that Loki was trying to say something important. The All-father nodded at Thor to release Loki. And because Thor was still afraid to disobey Odin when he was in King Mode, he released the vise he held Loki in. For the first time in his life though, Loki was acting shy. He wanted to say something; that much was clear. Thor had seen that look on his brother's face almost every day of his life. Loki always wanted to say something. But all the eyes in the clearing were suddenly dulling that silver tongue of his. Odin realized this as well. Setting the dead woman's arm down respectfully, he summoned Loki to him with a wave of his hand. Obediently, Loki went to his side. Thor inched closer to his family so that he could hear what they were saying. Nobody else present had the nerve to attempt to eavesdrop on their king when he was trying to have a private conversation.

"If you know something," Odin was saying, "you must tell me."

Loki looked shiftily around. His eyes looked everywhere but at Odin. "I think I know."

"Know who killed Arnhildr?"

"Yes."

"Then you must tell me, Loki."

He shook his head back and forth quickly, and then stared intently at the All-father. Odin must have understood what his son was trying to convey because he said as confirmation rather than a question, "You cannot say."

Lips seeming to clamp shut, Loki rolled the sleeve of his tunic back to show his father the broken flesh on his arm that looked remarkably similar to the slash Odin had just showed them on Arnhildr's body. Odin immediately covered the wound with his hand. Loki flinched at the contact. When the All-father removed his hand, the same violet cloud that was still clinging to Arnhildr's body surrounded Loki's arm. A look of very intense fury filled Odin's face.

"Thor," he said in a carefully controlled voice. Thor immediately went to his father's side. "When did your brother get this?"

"I don't know," he said truthfully.

Odin did not look happy to hear that. "You didn't notice him walking around with _this_ on his arm?" He shook Loki's wounded arm at Thor.

Frightened, he said, "No, sir! I haven't seen Loki _at all_ until today! He was with Gullveig all week because of the snakes!"

Rage flew across the All-father's face. That wasn't quite right, Thor thought. The emotion he was seeing Odin display now belonged more to a father than to a king.

To Loki Odin hissed, "_Her_?"

Loki's face tightened, and he didn't say anything. Thor watched his father and brother have a brief staring contest. Loki closed his eyes. Odin had his answer. Rising to his full height, Odin commanded the guards to return to the city immediately and seize Gullveig. She was to be held in the dungeons until Odin decided what to do with her. He asked his advisors to see Fandral, Hogun, and Volstagg safely back to the city. A few – apparently pre-appointed – Einherjar tended to the body, covering it in a silken sheet.

Once the three of them were left in relative privacy, Odin says to Thor in a very serious voice, "Take your brother to your mother. Tell her everything that has happened. Tell her absolutely anything you can remember. Do you understand?"

Thor had the sense that he wasn't grasping the seriousness of the situation. There had to be several very important pieces of this puzzle missing. They were all acting as if something absolutely catastrophic had happened.

"Thor!" Odin's patience was running thin. "I said do you understand?"

"Yes," he said with all the confidence he could muster.

Odin pulled Loki's sleeve down over the gash. He whispered to him, "All will be well."

Thor put his hand on the back of Loki's neck and guided his suddenly silent brother toward home. Odin shouted at their backs, "Be _careful_!" But Thor didn't know which of them he was talking to.

* * *

><p>It was several years before any action was taken regarding Gullveig. She had been seized and imprisoned. It was hardly a secret that she was being tortured. Odin had sworn all those who had been in the clearing the day the body was found to secrecy. Although they were already (supposed to be) loyal confidants, the All-father had them take the oath. Thor didn't fully understand the significance of someone using blood magic until he was almost of age.<p>

Odin wanted no one to know why the former caregiver was now rotting in some of Asgard's lowest dungeons. And it took Thor a long time to figure out why. He had expected, at the time of Gullveig's arrest, that she would be promptly executed. Not knowing any intricacies associated with blood magic, Thor's only certain information was that it was illegal in nearly every known realm. So why wasn't she executed? Why didn't she ever get a trial?

What it came down to, Thor finally realized, was that Odin was trying to maintain peace with Vanaheim (this was why he hadn't simply executed the Vanir witch, who turned out to be rather well-connected and important in her home world), but he was also trying to protect Loki. The Æsir would not act graciously if they found out about any of it. If Gullveig was given a trial, they would have to hear testimony. That would mean that Loki would have to say before all of Asgard that he had been made a victim. That was not something Odin wanted to subject his youngest to. So he could not kill her, and he certainly wouldn't let her walk away unpunished from the situation. Thor had overheard Frigga talking with Odin after a private dinner about how she wished that they would just kill the witch, peace be damned. By this time, Thor wholeheartedly agreed.

His brother was miserable. It took all of the healers in the realm and a few visiting sorcerers (all sworn to secrecy, of course) to make any headway in breaking the spell Gullveig had put on him. Blood magic was nearly impossible to undo while the one who cast the spell still lived. For _years_ Loki spent most of his time with healers and Frigga as they tried to break the woman's spell. From what Thor gathered, it was an anguishing process. His brother was in near-constant pain for years_. _It was especially slow going in the beginning because Gullveig had included in her spell a sort of magic gag order. Loki could not speak of what happened without serious risk. The better part of five years was spent trying to undo that particular aspect of the magic. Once it was finally lifted, Loki could freely answer questions about what had happened, when it had started, and what type of spells _exactly_ they would have to counteract. Thor was nearly a man in the eyes of Asgard – with Loki not far behind – and they still had yet to fully free him from the curse.

Thor never did learn what Gullveig's spell _did_ to Loki. Outwardly, it appeared that nothing was happening. Sometimes he would wonder what happened to Arnhildr. Gullveig had obviously done something to her with blood magic as well. The original caregiver must have been enthralled for most of her service. Odin had said that Arnhildr had been slowly leeched of blood and seidr. It gave Thor a creeping, cold feeling to think that Loki could have wound up all colorless and dead somewhere if they hadn't found out something was wrong. It was obvious that the witch had taken his blood (it _was _blood magic); even Thor could puzzle that much out. But what Gullveig did with Loki's blood he never found out. Thor only knew that his parents wanted the spell lifted as soon as possible, and in order for that to happen, Loki would endure a lot of suffering.

At first, before the gag order was lifted, the house of Odin had succeeded in keeping the fact that Loki was under the thumb of blood magic a secret. But it is a secret's deepest desire to be known. Eventually, all of Asgard was made aware. If the people's opinion of Loki hadn't been low before, it most certainly was now. Tainted was what they called him. It was as if he carried a terrible disease they lived in fear of catching. The only way to stop it from spreading was to stomp it to death.

It only got worse as time went along. Because he spent so much time with the healers, Loki could not stay on track with his training. He remained thin – an undesirable trait in a realm such as Asgard – because he was so often unwell and sick (a side effect of the healers' efforts). To combat the blood magic, they taught Loki to use the magic that was inherent to his body to fight it. He was very much against this at first. It took several convincing (manipulative) words from Frigga to persuade him to hone his seidr. To be lacking in physicality earned Loki enough ridicule. It only piled higher when the people found out that he was learning to use magic, too.

All of this made Thor incredibly angry. Most of his anger was directed at Gullveig for making his brother go through all of this, but there was plenty left over for Asgard's own people for making it so much harder than it needed to be. He told Odin more than once that they should just kill Gullveig so that Loki would get better faster. They were headed toward war with the Vanir anyway. Odin told him that he wanted more than anything to kill the woman for what she did to Loki, but he couldn't risk other people's lives. They would have to be content with the punishment Gullveig took in the dungeons for now.

_ For now_.

Thor could work with _for now_.

He prepared for that time relentlessly. When he went to council meetings (which was almost every time one was called now), he actively listened and even offered opinions now and again. He threw himself entirely into combat training. Out on the grounds he'd listen to people gossiping about Loki. When Thor faced the offenders in the sparring ring, he didn't hold anything back. They may have been fighting with dulled blades, but some people would never know the difference because of the wounds they walked away with. It was in this mindset than Thor got to know Sif. When they faced off in the ring, it ended in a bloody stalemate. She fought with all the fire of one continuously ridiculed and thought less of. He fought on behalf of one that received the same treatment. They were fast friends after that first round.

Thor was grateful that Fandral, Hogun, and Volstagg were like-minded. For some reason, he had a few doubts when it came to their reactions. But his three friends – plus the Lady Sif now, too – treated Loki much as they would anyone else in the realm.

Word reached Vanaheim somehow that Gullveig was being held captive and tortured in Asgard. It was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. The Vanir killed the Æsir envoy that had been in their realm trying to maintain non-hostile interactions at the time. Asgard declared war when the head of their best advisor turned up. On the eve of the day that Thor came of age, Gullveig was sentenced to death. She would be killed the following night during his name-day feast. Thor couldn't think of a better way to celebrate.

He, Loki, Sif, and the Warriors Three sat beside the lake sharing drinks after the announcement was made. The entire city would turn out to see the woman killed. The six of them were quite drunk.

"This day has been a long time coming, my friends!" Thor shouted and swung an arm around his little brother.

They all rose whatever glass they happened to be holding and yelled unintelligibly. It may have been a toast.

"I'd kill her myself, if I could," Fandral slurred.

"Not if I got there first," said Thor.

"They should let her off into the woods and have all of Asgard hunt her," Sif suggested.

"Ha!" Volstagg cried. "What a wonderful prize that would be! We should have her preserved and mounted as a trophy!"

"How do they plan to do it?" Hogun asked with an iota of plain curiosity. No one had ever told them what manner of death Odin had decided for the witch.

"Hanging, I think," Thor said. He was much too warm to remember with certainty.

They crowed at the justice of it. Fandral said, "In the very tree the first woman was found in, if they have any sense!"

"You must feel better than you have in an age, eh?" Volstagg said as he lightly elbowed Loki in the ribs.

Loki smiled with his eyes closed, drinking from his bottle. "I feel alive," he said.

They shouted and laughed and rose their glasses again as if that was a brilliant speech.

"I feel invincible. I feel I can fly," Loki said with eyes still closed. He got to his feet, peeled back his eyelids, and he fixed his gaze on each of his companions in turn with an intoxicated happiness in those sea-green irises. "I want to fly."

"Dear Loki, you've had too much to drink," Sif laughed.

"Sweet Lady Sif, I haven't even begun." Pivoting quickly, Loki conjured and threw a dagger into the darkness. A split-second later they heard a bird's last squawk. Facing them again, he said to no one in particular, "Have you ever been to the top of the mountain?"

They all shrugged in response. They had all travelled near and far within the Nine. Of course they had passed through the mountains at one time or another. It was true that the mountains were hardly ever their _destination_.

"I say we ride the river down the mountain," Loki said with a dare in his voice.

The Æsir are not the type to balk at a challenge, especially when they are drunk and defensive of their pride. So they all agreed. The six of them joked and shouted as they walked along the river and climbed up the stepped ravine. The water rushed over boulders and was sprinkled with whirlpools. The river would narrow and widen, moving faster and faster the higher they climbed on the mountain. Though it seemed dangerous, to a warrior people like the Æsir, it also felt all the more exciting. Their passage was not as swift as it might have been due to the darkness (and their drunkenness). Fandral dropped one of their remaining bottles of mead and made a sound that might be heard after a father dropped his firstborn son. It was echoed by Volstagg (who complained loudly that they should have brought food for a majority of their ascension).

Sif declared that they had climbed high enough. Light snow fell around their heads and made the banks of the relatively-slow river feel slick. Fandral remarked how it was much higher than it seemed now that they were up here. All eyes traced the river as far as they could see. It got steep in some places, rocks poking up in others. Volstagg was the first to bow out. He said he was not feeling well. The alcohol and the height were giving him serious nausea. Hogun – who seemed particularly sober – said that he did not want to die. Perhaps he was emboldened by Volstagg's refusal to ride down a river on a boat that they hadn't brought. Fandral was next to crack, offering no other excuse besides "my hair." There was mumbling about a raging river surely making him lose his stomach.

So that left Thor and Sif staring at Loki. Neither Thor nor Sif thought it was a good idea. Loki had a look in his eye that suggested he was going to go down that river no matter what. Going alone would not make a single difference to him. Thor and Sif didn't have the heart to refuse him this. That big, old smile cracked Loki's face. Waving a careless hand, he produced a smallish rowboat.

"Remind me to send it back to its owner when we've reached the bottom," he said to Sif, as she was the most responsible of them all.

She nodded.

The brothers cast the boat into the river. Loki climbed in and positioned himself at the bow. Sif made to jump in the vessel, but Fandral threw his arms around her, stopping her.

"My lady, you are not that stupid, are you?" he said in her ear.

"If I am, it is none of your concern."

"But I _am_ concerned!"

She fought him but could not get free before Thor gave the boat a final shove into the strongest part of the current. The princes were quickly harried away. Sif and the Warriors Three simply stood there for a moment. They stared at each other.

"I cannot believe we just let them do that," Fandral said as if in a daze.

"They will be killed," Hogun concurred gravely.

"Let's go," Sif said.

The four of them took off down the mountain, parallel the river. Already Thor and Loki were too far ahead for them to ever catch up to. That didn't stop them from running and shouting. They were surprisingly well-coordinated for drunken people running down a mountainside.

For their part, Thor and Loki didn't feel a lick of the fear that plagued their friends. Loki laughed manically, shouting at Thor to help him steer around hazards. The two oars were not very useful once they really started picking up momentum. They bumped into rocks and hit turbulent waters that spun the boat sideways, only to hit another bump that set them right again. Loki abandoned the oar and rode the natural current. Thor had already beaten him to it. Waves bucked them around, unseating them. They laughed harder when it happened. Thor was certain he'd never had this much fun in all his life. Certainly Loki hadn't looked this pleased since he was little more than a toddler.

Thor had to fling himself after his brother when a particularly violent bump sent him on a trajectory that would leave him in the water. Loki seemed unfazed by his brush with drowning.

They hit the steepest part of the mountain, and Thor felt that fluttery feeling of anticipation that is commonly mistaken for anxiety. He wasn't afraid. He was just terribly, horribly excited. The slope dumped them downward. Loki swung forward and Thor swung with him. It took several moments for them to come back in contact with the boat. When the river narrowed, the current was at its peak velocity. Thor thought for the briefest moment that the boat was going to be too wide to fit through the rocky aisle.

He was right.

The boat hit the side of the rocky cliff. The wooden boat buckled and cracked, but none of it fractured. No, it was the second time that they hit a wall that the boat seemed to disintegrate beneath them. Suddenly Thor was floating amid debris and being pulled down a steep, zigzagging river. _Now_ it felt like a bad idea to go down this river. Loki bobbed somewhere nearby. Thor flung his arm out until he made contact with his brother. With a bunch of Loki's tunic caught in his fingers, Thor kept a grip on that material as if it were the thing that was going to save him. Loki held onto a piece of the boat and still looked as if this was going exactly how he hoped it would.

They crashed into more rocky cliffs, got spun around by whirlpools, were clipped painfully by boulders. The river tossed them under the raging waves again and again, but Loki's grip on the debris stayed as true as Thor's grip on Loki. It was much more painful to go down the river this way, but Thor had to admit that he was having fun again before long.

Perhaps the worst part was when they reached the bottom of the mountain. They both remembered the waterfall that poured into their beloved lake. The river had dumped them down a few large steps already, but none of them were quite like the forty-foot drop off the cliff at the bottom. Loki seemed to remember this at the same time Thor did. Somehow he turned against the current that was urging them forward, and he _smiled_.

They were both poured down the waterfall not a second later. All at once, it was over. Thor broke the surface of the lake. It was almost as if he had merely jumped off the ledge he always used to. Loki emerged somewhere close by. Treading water, they both struggled to catch their breath. Thor caught his brother's eye. They both started laughing and swimming toward the shore before they drowned themselves.

Thor's arms shook with excess adrenaline when he pulled himself out of the water and onto the shore. Letting mud and who-knows-what dirty his face, he let the rest of the laughter fall out of him. He could hear Loki doing the same thing beside him.

When most of his breath had come back to him, Thor said, "That wasn't what I expected it to be like."

Loki's chest heaved. "It was _exactly_ what I expected it to be like."

Thor swatted at him. "I don't think I've ever gone from drunk to sober so quickly."

They laughed again at the truth of it. Loki was the first to recover and pull himself into a sitting position, wiping mud from his face and pushing wet locks of hair out of his eyes. The sleeve of his tunic was torn. Thor wondered if that was because of him. Eventually, he followed his brother's example.

"Wonder when the rest of them will make it down here," Thor mused, looking back towards the mountain. Loki didn't respond. Thor turned to his brother to see him tracing the raised scar on his forearm with a finger. The healers had only just gotten the skin to close a few months ago. Before that, it had remained an open wound. Thor held put a hand on the back of Loki's neck. "All is well?"

"I feel alive," he whispered.

What he meant, Thor knew, was that most of the time he felt otherwise. Thor had asked his brother countless times what he felt since, outwardly, he looked just as he always did. Loki would usually change the subject, but one time he said that he felt stuck below something very heavy. It muffled him and made him feel weighted down. He felt trapped and powerless. That he would say he felt alive was very much a good thing, enormous progress. Perhaps the greatest news Thor has ever heard. So he threw an arm around his brother's shoulders and drew Loki toward him. Loki didn't appreciate how Thor expressed his emotions through acts such as this one, but he didn't resist it now; letting himself be supported by something else.

"Sometimes I can feel it," he said. Thor didn't understand. He was about to ask what Loki was referring to at the same time that Loki realized that he should be more specific. "When they torture her. Sometimes I can feel it. Not what is _actually_ happening. It's as if she's outsourcing some of the pain to me after the fact."

Thor pushed Loki's head against his shoulder because he didn't know how else to convey his disquiet at this news. Thor wished he was still drunk. He wished Gullveig was dead. He wished he could be the one to take the life from her body.

Loki hummed. "I can't feel it anymore. But I will repay all the misery she's given me ten thousand-fold."

Thor had never heard a more serious tone in his brother's voice. And he didn't doubt those words for a second.


	3. Chapter 3

Thor and Loki parted ways with their friends and made it back to the palace just as the light of dawn was peaking over the horizon. The halls were dim and quiet. Even the night guards seemed quieter than usual; their armor's clanging muted somehow. Loki's steps were silent as well, but that was nothing new. As the two brothers walked past the Hall of Valkyries, Loki gave pause. Thor did not realize that he had stopped walking until he had gone a few steps further. When he noticed, Thor turned and looked back.

"What is it?" he asked in a voice to match the quiet of the hall.

Loki didn't look at him. His eyes stayed focused on the long corridor.

"Loki." Thor took a step closer.

"I want to see her," he said shortly, looking up at his older brother after he'd gotten the words out.

For his part, Thor was a little confused. He was tired and still a little drunk. A few moments passed before he realized who Loki spoke of. Tension filled his eyes. Loki had never been to see Gullveig in her prison. He had never shown the slightest interest in what was being done to her. Thor knew the idea must cause his brother some level of anxiety, because, if he wanted to go see her, he would have slipped away and gone to see her. Historically, Loki would only tell Thor his plans if he wanted Thor to participate in them. Loki didn't want to be alone with Gullveig; he wanted Thor to come with him.

This more than anything worried Thor. Despite his small size and lack of obvious strength, Thor knew that Loki was virtually fearless. Loki never let the thinness of his limbs dictate what he would and would not do. People said he was weak, but Loki fought ferociously. They called him a coward, but he never backed down from a challenge. They criticized him for his magic, but Loki never employed his seidr in fights against the Æsir. Once he accepted the fact that using the seidr that dwelt within him could be useful, Loki made sure he was good at it.

That was his approach with nearly everything. He was not strong enough to wield a great sword or a longsword in battle, so he easily became one of the best fighters with spears and bows, anything that put a little distance between himself and his opponent. Loki had the patience and the finesse to work with complicated weapons that most of the Æsir did not have. When it came to close-quarters combat, he favored dirks and daggers. But regardless of the weapon he held, Loki was not frightened of anything, least of all people.

Thor did not like to think that something as lowly and vile as Gullveig could sow such discontent in his brother.

"Do you think that is wise?" Thor asked.

The way Loki looked at him made Thor feel like his brother was asking for direction. Thor was reminded just how _young_ his brother was.

"No," Loki said, "but I want to see her regardless."

"Then we will go see her."

Thor had never been to see Gullveig personally. But he had talked about her and where she was being held enough in those council meetings that he figured he'd find her without much of a problem. Cold seeped through the walls as they descended into the lower levels of the palace. Thor sensed Loki's hesitance the closer they came to the cells. But his brother's stride never faltered. He had always been the better of the two of them at keeping a collected exterior. Thor still struggled not to let his body betray his emotions.

As expected, they found Gullveig's cell without much trouble. Thor ordered the guards to leave the vicinity, knowing Loki's voice was not ready to speak yet. The guards obeyed with wary looks in their eyes. Thor did not blame them. The witch was held in a relatively private part of the dungeon. No other detainees were around her. Thor stood across the hall from her cell so that his brother would have some privacy but would not be alone. Loki was standing right up at the barrier, staring in at the shrunken creature doomed to die in a few hours' time.

Gullveig stirred on the ground where she slept. All the walls were white, and there wasn't anything to be found inside except for her. The woman sat slowly and looked at Loki stoically. Her hair had been shorn off. She was shrunken, bones poking out of her dingy clothes. They were the same ones that she had been wearing when the Einherjar seized her all those years ago. Thor was surprised they had survived all the abuse. They were probably enchanted though, now that he thought about it.

Using the wall for support, Gullveig hauled herself to her feet. She took unstable steps toward the barrier where Loki stood watching. Thor tensed. Loki leaned back a minuscule amount but both Thor and Gullveig noticed. The witched laughed so softly Thor could hardly hear it.

"Frightened, child?" she asked.

Thor had expected her voice to be scratchy and hoarse after all the tortures she had endured. Much to his surprise, it came out sounding as soft as it did the day she was hired to care for them. If he closed his eyes, Thor could conjure up the image of the pretty, albeit stern woman that took care of them when their mother was away; the one that led Loki around the gardens by the hand. The image filled him with burning hatred now. Had she been using him even then? Thor could only imagine the images being created by Loki's mind.

"I'm not afraid," Loki said too quietly for it to be true.

Gullveig smiled in a way that made her face look skeletal. "You are a liar, dear. You always have been. There is no need for your stories here. There are no secrets between us."

Loki didn't respond but held the woman's gaze. For the most part, she just looked curious. Her smile came back. Tapping her wrist, she said, "Got that far, have they?"

Loki shifted his scarred arm behind his back unconsciously. Since they left the lake, he had cast an illusion that hid the scar. It was one of the first things he learned when the sorcerers were teaching him to control his seidr. Thor couldn't be certain since he knew next to nothing about magic, but he thought Gullveig could see the scar no matter how much Loki tried to hide it. He took a protective step forward. The motion drew Gullveig's attention. She smiled at Thor in a way that looked like an attempt at warmth and welcome.

"Hello there, dear," she said. "Keeping an eye on this one still? It's good that you do. He so often finds himself in trouble."

Thor's jaw clenched so hard he feared his teeth would crack.

"It _is_ nice to have visitors besides those awful gaolers. I've been so lonely down here. I thought maybe the world had forgotten about me." Eyes back on Loki, she winked and said, "I know _you_ haven't forgotten about me. You're such a comfort to an achy old woman."

Gullveig closed her eyes and stood stock still for a while. In the span of a few seconds, Loki hissed and stumbled back a few steps, Thor immediately moved forward, and Gullveig sighed as though relieved of a great burden. Steadying his brother, Thor glared more viciously at the witch than he had ever glared at anything before. Loki looked dazed.

Laughing lightly, she said, "It's rather uncomfortable, isn't it?"

Thor was caught in the throes of uncontainable rage at the witch and spiking worry for his brother. It was a rather good thing that there was a barrier between them and the prisoner. If it were absent, Thor was certain that he would rip out the creature's entrails and strangle her with them.

"What have you done?" Thor said with as much authority and power he could muster in his voice.

For the first time, an emotion other than cool stoicism colored Gullveig's face. It was gone in the blink of an eye though. She said, "Do not fret, Odinson. It is nothing your little pet hasn't felt before." She looked at Loki again with morbid curiosity on her face. "Though this is the first time I've been able to see him react. Fascinating, yes?"

_No_, Thor wanted to say, _no, it is not fascinating. It is cruel. It is sick. It is the reason you're going to be slaughtered for my name-day. It is the reason that I'm going to give your severed head to my brother. It is the reason I'm going to lay waste to you, your home, and every last one of your kin._

He didn't say any of that. What he _did_ say was, "You are less than filth."

"What does that make him?" Gullveig said while gesturing to Loki.

The person in question seemed to be coming out of whatever fit had come over him. At the same time that Loki stiffly pulled himself out of Thor's grip, Gullveig seemed to deflate.

"I tire of this," she said. "Go now, Odinson, and be sure to lock your pet up in his cage. I daresay we will see each other again come nightfall."

Thor took hold of his brother and strong-armed him away. Loki held the witch's gaze until they could no longer see each other. By the time they reached the Hall of Valkyries again, Loki's legs shook worse than a newborn fawn's. Thor forced him to sit on the plinth of a column before they buckled. He sat down beside his brother. Loki's hands fisted in his hair and his breath hitched. Thor knew his brother was fighting off tears so he just sat and waited, politely looking around at anything but Loki. Thor would bet his life that Loki no longer felt as alive as he did at the lake.

Loki folded up on himself even tighter, and Thor didn't need to be told that whatever Gullveig had done to his brother outside her cell was happening again. Outsourcing her pain, Loki had said. He had thought that connection had been severed. It was very cruel of her to withhold her pain for so long; lulling him into thinking that aspect of the curse had been alleviated, only to show him that it was still very much intact. Thor had to think that Odin didn't know about Gullveig transferring her agony to Loki. If the All-father knew, certainly he wouldn't continue with such tortures. They were only hurting Loki in the end.

Loki pushed his forehead into his knees when it happened for a third time. Thor had never seen him like this. Frigga always kept Loki in his chambers when the healing was going particularly roughly, never allowing visitors beyond Eir and Odin. Thor was never allowed to see his brother until the pain was back down to manageable levels. On those days when he couldn't be with his little brother, Thor would see Odin looking steely and stiff at councils. Frigga, if she ever left Loki's side, ghosted around with perpetually wet eyes.

Only one time was Thor allowed into Loki's chambers after one of those terrible rounds. It had been particularly bad, but Loki was doing marginally better by the time they let Thor in. The stress of the week-long ordeal had induced the Odinsleep. With his father down, Frigga was forced to act as regent, leaving only Thor to attend Loki. Eir had (at Frigga's request) put Loki in an enchanted sleep (much like Odin's). Thor remembered sitting beside his sleeping brother and feeling helpless. Loki's chest rose and fell faster than a sleeping person's ought to. He would cringe in his sleep, face contorting in pain. His skin was continually clammy. Eir told Thor that, although Loki wasn't awake, he could still feel everything. She told him that sometimes when the pain became too much, Loki would pull his hair until it ripped out or would pinch and scratch his own arms and chest until the skin was bruised and bleeding. If that happened, she said, Thor must stop his brother from hurting himself as quickly as possible.

A muted whimper from the back of Loki's throat alerted Thor to the arrival of a forth wave of foreign pain. Because he didn't know what else to do, Thor pulled his brother to his chest, resting his cheek on the black crown of Loki's head. They both knew this would go on all day. Gullveig would export every ounce of anguish in her while she still could. Thor led Loki to his chambers before the palace woke up and saw him in such a state. Loki curled up tightly on his side once he staggered to his bed. Finding an attendant out in the corridors, Thor had the page fetch Eir. Then he sat beside Loki and waited for the healer; periodically untangling Loki's hands from his hair when his knuckles turned white.

Thor wouldn't sleep this day, which was fine with him. He would sleep when Gullveig was finally dead.

* * *

><p>As far as Æsir celebrations went, Thor's was quite successful. Ale and mead flowed without stopping. The palace was opened to the entire city. Feasting halls were filled with loud people and delicious scents. Citizens of all status intermingled without a care in the world. They toasted the prince often. Thor moved among those seated with his family at the dais. Most of his time was spent speaking with Tyr. Now that Thor was of age, he would begin training with the war god so that he could lead the next wave of their warriors into battle with the Vanir. This was something Thor was very much looking forward to, especially in light of Gullveig's on-going attack of his brother. He was not jesting when he mentally promised ruin for every last thing remotely related to that witch. Thor hoped he would learn quickly and Tyr would teach just as fast. Their warriors currently in battle needed relief, so there didn't seem to be much time to waste.<p>

Loki was seated beside Frigga at the high table. All evening he said very few words. Thor wished he could be seated next to his brother, but that was simply not how they were meant to sit during feasts such as these. Odin sat in the center with Frigga on his right and Thor on his left. Both parents separated Thor from Loki. Though he kept up conversation with Tyr well enough, Thor found himself glancing down the long table at his brother. It was no secret that Loki was not all there. All the people in attendance could see that quite plainly. His eyes were unfocused and the food before him went mostly untouched. Frigga would say things to him every so often and he would react appropriately.

Odin, Frigga, and Thor all knew that Loki was in no condition to be on display before all of Asgard. But the youngest couldn't be left in his chambers. The people would talk worse than they already did. They would think there was some perverse connection between Loki's absence and the Vanir witch's quickly approaching execution. Which, quite honestly, there _was_. Before the feasting began, Eir administered a draught meant to dull the intensity of the pain. They had employed this particular brew several times before when Loki was required to make an appearance while he was not feeling particularly well. This feast was the longest by far that Loki would have to remain in the public eye. Eir's draught was extremely potent and left Loki looking stoned out of his mind. He still winced every few minutes despite it. If he didn't know that Gullveig's breaths were numbered, Thor would have felt bad about making his brother be put on display when he was in a state like this.

The execution was meant, of course, to be the climax of the evening. They all moved – the entirety of Asgard – to the grounds just inside the city walls. A pole stood tall and erect in the ground, surrounded by kindling, vats of burning oils, and dry logs. Gullveig was to be burned, not hanged as Thor had drunkenly remembered.

_All the same_, he thought, _burning befits a witch_.

Everyone gathered around the pyre. The highest ranked among them stood on a platform above the rest. Odin called for the Einherjar to bring forth the condemned. The crowd was, for the most part, drunk. They shouted insults and lashed out at the woman as she was led forward. Thor felt his stomach tie itself in knots when he saw her. The Æsir threw things at Gullveig, from food to rocks to books. The Einherjar did not stop the crowd from trying to do damage to the prisoner. Gullveig did not react to any of the insults or projectiles that managed to strike her. Her eyes stared straight ahead. She walked as if she was above them all. Thor was tempted to throw something at her himself; maybe the great war hammer that Odin had gifted him mere minutes before.

The Einherjar secured Gullveig's bound wrists to the post. Odin stepped down from the platform and approached her. The guards backed off. He stared directly into her hooded eyes and spoke with thinly-veiled resentment. "You are to be burned until death as consequence for your crimes, which include the use of blood magic on two of Asgard's citizens and the murder of Arnhildr Havardrsdóttir. Have you anything to say?"

Gullveig _did_ have something to say, but Thor was not close enough to hear the words. He suspected they were for Odin and Odin alone. The crowd was practically dancing with anticipation. They wanted to see a death, and they wanted to see it now. Odin did not respond to whatever Gullveig had said. That or he did not speak it loud enough for the crowd to hear. The All-father moved back from where the witch stood bound, allowing the Einherjar to cover her in the burning oil and surround her body with the kindling and logs. She stared stoically at Odin the entire time. Her eyes didn't close until he gave the command to light the pyre.

And the Æsir cheered as the flames leapt hungrily over the dry brambles and caught on the logs. The oil snapped and popped, urging the fire to spread fast and grow bigger. The entire city was enthralled by the sight. Odin, Frigga, and Thor moved to tightly surround Loki when the fire reached Gullveig's flesh. Her steely, collected demeanor evaporated when the flames brushed her skin. It was only a second before she was completely consumed in flames, only the crack of the fire and her screams of agony could be heard.

Thor's attention was snapped away from the burning body when Loki's hand clutched his vambrace in a grip that threatened to shatter bone. Loki's teeth bit down hard on his bottom lip to stop the scream that was surely building within; blood stained his teeth. Thor felt incredibly stupid. Of course she would do this now. She probably wanted to be burned simply because it was one of the most painful methods of execution Asgard employed, and she would be able to share the experience with Loki. Frigga and Odin noticed his distress only a few moments after Thor.

"We must get him away from here," Odin said in a hushed voice.

"I'll take him," Frigga said.

Thor strained against his brother's desperate strength until he was able to pry Loki's fingers off his arm. Once freed, Thor took a step back. In the blink of an eye, Frigga disappeared, taking Loki with her. No one had noticed; too interested in the burning woman. Another shriek came from the fireball. Thor could have sworn it was Loki's voice.

* * *

><p>Something was wrong. Gullveig kept screaming long after she should have been dead. When Odin realized that she was not dying, he had the Einherjar clear away the crowd. They resisted at first, but relented after so long. Everything had been burned away. Thor stood beside his father at the edge of the witch's pyre. The ground was scorched and littered with the ashes of the logs. Only smoke remained; the fire burned itself out. Odin approached the panting, wailing woman with Thor close on his heels. They stopped only a few feet from where she sat crumpled on the ground. Her hands were still strung up in the manacles to the post.<p>

Gullveig breathed through her mouth. At last, her voice sounded rough. She coughed and said, "Is it over so soon?"

Odin exhaled sharply through his nose. Thor felt sick.

"Tell me, Odin-king, when will you attempt your next burning? Tomorrow? The next day? The day after that?" She looked up at them with a wide grin. Her once-grey skin was raw and bloody almost everywhere, lips cracked and peeling off in places. Gone were her eyelashes and eyebrows. It only served to make her more terrifying. On the whole, she was unburned. Injured and wounded, but not dying. Never dying. "You cannot kill one that was born in flames with fire. Do you know what you _can _kill with fire, Odin-king?"

The hand with which Odin gripped Gungnir tightened. Thor felt himself grow more and more uneasy and confused. His temper festered. She was supposed to be dead. This was supposed to be the end of it.

Gullveig laughed at Odin's obvious rage. Her laughter turned to coughing, and she spat out saliva that was black with soot and ash. "Send me back to the dungeons so you and your puppets may discuss how you will next try to kill me. Be sure to check on that creature you call son. Make sure he can withstand whatever you plan for me."

Odin turned from her without saying a word. He met the captain of the guards at the outer ring of the pyre. They were to leave her out here until he said otherwise. A full guard would stand watch over her. No one was to approach the witch for any reason. The guard nodded his understanding and went to debrief his men. Odin had Thor follow him as they made for the palace. Neither spoke until they were within the private halls of the royal family. The king stopped with a hand on Thor's chest and turned to him.

"How long has she been doing this to him?" he asked quietly even though there was no one around.

Thor shook his head. "He only told me last night. Since she was able to, I would suppose."

That livid fury that was always so close to the surface in Odin flared a little brighter. "Damn him," Odin said. "Why didn't he say anything?"

Thor shook his head again. He didn't know why Loki did anything. "Didn't think it would make much of a difference?" Thor suggested. After a lingering silence, he asked, "What are we going to do with her?"

Odin ran his free hand through his beard in thought. Thor expected to see Huginn fly down from the vaulted ceilings and whisper in his father's ear.

"We will summon the council at dawn and consult the sorcerers. They should have some ideas how to deal with her. I have a few of my own, but I'd rather have their opinions."

"And if they have an idea that might work?" Thor asked.

Odin knew where his son's mind was at, and he was glad that it was there. Absently, he mused that Thor would make an excellent king one day. "Then we will carry it out as quickly as possible. But before all of that, let us see to your brother."

Frigga met them in the antechamber of Loki's quarters. They exchanged their stories of the past hour.

When Odin asked how Loki fared, Frigga said significantly, "He is quite inconsolable. Eir cannot calm him."

Odin nodded solemnly. "Perhaps I can pacify him enough for her to tranquilize him."

Odin went into the bedchamber, leaving Thor alone with his mother. They smiled without humor at each other.

"Was it bad?" Thor whispered.

She said, "I'm afraid so."

"She burned for so _long_…"

"I know."

"Will he ever be well?"

"Your brother is stronger than he appears, Thor." There was sternness in Frigga's voice, as if she were reprimanding him. "He has endured this for more than half of his life, and he is the only one that can decide if it will define him. How this crucible ends will irrevocably shape who he is. We must have hope that he can bear this burden as long as he must."

There was nothing else for Thor to say to that. So he sat beside his mother for some time before Odin exited Loki's bedchamber, closing the door behind him as quietly as possible. Both Thor and Frigga rose from their seats expectantly.

"He sleeps," Odin proclaimed.

All the tension seemed to drain from Frigga's body. "At last. I feared he'd never be calm again."

Thor made for the door but was stopped by his father's voice. He paused with one hand on the doorknob.

"Let him rest, Thor," Odin said.

"I will not wake him." Ever willful.

Frigga said, "Leave him be for the night. You know he doesn't like visitors after something like this happens."

Seeing the stubborn look on Thor's face, Odin said, "You may see him first thing in the morning, if you must. Just give him this night to recover. He is not _well_."

Which only made Thor want to see his brother even more.

Frigga realized this and said, "Eir will see to him, Thor. There is nothing you can do. Come. He has had enough of another person's will forced on him tonight."

That was enough to convince him.

* * *

><p>The council convened. It was decided that they would burn the witch again, this time with enchanted fire that was forbidden to use without the expressed word of the king. Five sorcerers and sorceresses would attend the fire while Gullveig burned. They didn't waste any time notifying the public. Once the motion was approved, they moved directly out to the grounds to carry out the order. Several townspeople were gathered around. Apparently, watching the witch sit on the ground was a very entertaining pursuit. Odin read her crimes again, and the Einherjar lit the new pyre as the sun disappeared beyond the horizon. She screamed and screamed and screamed. Back in the palace, Loki echoed her every tormented sound without ever waking up. Frigga hid her face in her hands and never felt so useless in all her life.<p>

Gullveig survived.

Odin did not immediately reconvene the council. He went and spoke with Frigga for long hours. The enchanted fire had been a horrible misstep. Loki not only felt what the witch did, but large burns appeared on his chest. Before now he had never obtained a physical wound. The All-father had Eir all but drown his youngest in a sleeping draught until the burns could be healed. They made no plans to burn the woman again. They sat and thought for days but no solution was forthcoming.

Thor grew weary of this. Learning the art of war with Tyr did not take up nearly enough of his time. He spent much of the nights sitting up and trying to think of some way to kill Gullveig. It had been six days since he'd seen Loki. Horrible images haunted Thor when he slept; all of them of Gullveig inflicting terrible pain on his family.

On the seventh night after the first failed execution, he reached the end of his patience. A nightmare shook him to wakefulness. Thor was more angry than frightened when he woke up. He followed the impulse that told him to check on his brother. It really had been much too long. If his parents didn't want him in Loki's room, they shouldn't have stressed how important it was for him to look out for his brother.

But when Thor reached Loki's chambers, the door was open and the rooms were empty. There was no sign of Eir or Loki. His first instinct was to think that something so terrible had happened that Loki had needed to be moved to the infirmary. Thor disregarded this thought after only a few seconds' consideration. That was not what happened. Loki had a long-established precedent of never going to the infirmary. He healed his injuries himself (if he could) or else he suffered in silence.

Which left Thor knowing with certainty that his brother must have gone to face Gullveig. Where else would he go, really?

Thor tore down the gilded halls. He didn't care to keep quiet even though it was the dead of night. He caught up with Loki outside Forseti's hall (which just happened to be the closest exit to Gullveig). Loki didn't respond to any of Thor's calls, so he grabbed his younger brother's arm and spun him around.

The look on Loki's face was absolutely murderous. "Release me," he hissed.

"Loki, you can't," Thor said.

"Do not presume to tell me what I can and cannot do. Release me _now_."

Thor almost couldn't recognize his brother. Never had there been such a wild look in his eyes.

"Loki, you mustn't."

"I do what I want, Thor." He attempted to wretch his arm from Thor's grasp unsuccessfully. "Do not tell me that it is not what she deserves. What I deserve."

The words only served to make Thor's grip tighter. "Who is this speaking with your voice, Loki? You are not acting like the brother I grew up with. Tell me what has happened. You are changed."

He laughed cruelly. "_Changed_? Of course I'm changed, you oaf! Now release me before I do something I regret."

"You are already doing something you'll regret. Going to her now will only lead you to ruin."

The wildness in Loki's eyes intensified but his voice became dangerously soft. "And what do you know of ruin, O Mighty Thor? _Tell me _what you know of complete and utter collapse. When has _Golden_ Thor ever suffered as I have suffered? When was Odin's heir ever unmade as I have been unmade over and over again? When has Asgard's favorite son ever been held in contempt as I have forever been? When has _anything_ ever been taken from you, brother? Do not speak to me of ruin. You know _nothing _of ruin."

His words were poisonous in their truth. But Thor would not let him go. He would never let his brother go. There was nothing for Loki to gain by going to Gullveig and everything for him to lose.

"I will not let you go down this path," Thor vowed. "I cannot."

"It is not your choice to make."

"Then think! I beg you to truly think about what it is you want. Will doing this really help you? Will making this choice lead you to salvation?"

A brittle smile came over Loki's face. "Haven't you been listening, brother? For me, all roads lead to ruin."

"Loki – . . ."

"Release me!" Loki interrupted.

"No."

"Then you force my hand."

If Thor had ever taken the time to studying magic, he may have been able to feel the energy crackling in the air around him. As it was, he never did learn to use or even recognize when someone else was about to use magic until after the fact (seidr had a very distinct smell). So he was taken completely by surprise when Loki sent an incredibly dense sphere of magic at his chest and was knocked clear across the corridor into a marble statue outside Forseti's tribunal. Before he blacked out, Thor reflected fuzzily that Loki had never used magic to attack anyone before.

* * *

><p>It was a young woman tapping his face and calling his name that brought Thor back to his senses. He had no idea how much time had gone by, but he saw that it was still dark outside.<p>

"Sir," the girl he recognized as one of the sorceresses' protégé said. "Are you well?"

Thoroughly ignoring her, Thor went from groggy to fully awake in less than a second. Pushing himself upright, Thor took off running before his legs were ever properly beneath him. No thoughts clouded his head. He didn't acknowledge the painful ache in his chest where Loki had hit him. The only thing he knew was that he had to get to Gullveig's twice-burned fire, and he needed to get there hours ago. A sinking feeling made itself known in his stomach when the beam came into view and there were no silhouettes to be seen. _Maybe, _he thought wildly and hopelessly, _he didn't go there at all. I cannot see him because he never came_.

He slowed to a walk when he saw a lump on the ground a few yard in front of the pyre. Heart pounding in panic, Thor knelt beside the body and turned it face-up. It was the captain of the guards. Squinting into the distance, he was able to make out a similar lump on the ground not too far away. The scent of burnt, sweet spices filled the air. Thor knew that scent anywhere, and he knew that there was something different about it; as if the scent of Loki's seidr was covering up another smell. Thor left the captain unconscious on the ground and moved toward the pyre.

The etched manacles that bound the witch to the post were undone. Gullveig was gone.

* * *

><p><strong>A few things:<strong>

**I mentioned this at the end of my story "Where Grey Ships Sail," but I'm going to state it again to cover all my bases and give credit where credit is due: This story is strongly influenced by the film _A River Runs Through It_ and the musical _Wicked_. The themes I'll be exploring are inspired by those expertly discussed in John Steinbeck's _East of Eden_. The dead body shtick that kicked off this story may be accredited to _Stand By Me_. **

**I will draw several elements from the myths - thought I'd warn you of that now so you won't get invested if that's not your thing. Various other elements from the comic and cinematic universes will be used at my discretion. (In the interest of full-disclosure, my experience with comics is limited almost entirely to the DCU. Sorry, Marvel.) **

**For the most part, I kind of want to create my own world. I'll try to credit people, places, and events as they come along. (Gullveig and Forseti are depicted based on my interpretation of myths; Arnhildr is from my imagination. That sort of thing.) I know most of you probably aren't interested in that stuff, but I'm big on citing sources. **

**(Disclaimers, etc.)**

**For reference, Thor is approximately 21 human years old at this point in the story, and Loki is approximately 17 (roughly aged 10 and 7, respectively, when Arnhildr's body was found). **

**I plan to update twice a week, most likely on Mondays and Thursdays.**

**Cheers,**

**E.R. **


	4. Chapter 4

The captain of the guards was only just beginning to stir when Thor ordered, "Summon the All-father at once! Tell him the witch has escaped. Alert Heimdall as well!"

The man struggled to his feet so that he could carry out his commands as soon as possible. He didn't dare test the thunder god's patience. The urgency and severity of his voice brokered no room for argument. Thor stood before the empty post with fire in his eyes. One of the recently-recovered Einherjar tentatively approached him requesting orders. Thor had him organize his ranks and search the grounds for any sign of the Vanir witch. He didn't dare mention that Loki's location was yet unknown. All of the guards had already told Thor many times over that they did not remember being knocked out; only that they were walking their rounds one moment and were waking up flat on their backs the next.

None of them had seen Loki cast the spell that incapacitated them. Not one knew or even suspected that Loki had been the last one to approach Gullveig before both their disappearances. Thor told himself that there was no proof that Loki had actually been here. It was only very, very, _very_ likely. The smell of his seidr hanging in the air implicated him. He only hoped that none of the guards were familiar enough with the scent of Loki's magic to recognize it. Perhaps they would just assume it was Gullveig.

Odin arrived first. He walked with purpose to Thor's side. Both their eyes stared stonily at the empty post. Thor could hear his father's breathing. It was furious.

"When did you notice?"

"Only a few minutes ago. I sent for you immediately. None of the guards remember being knocked out."

Odin huffed. Thor had to make an effort to stop himself from cringing. Odin paused and sniffed the air.

"Why were you up at this hour?" Odin asked in a tone of voice that seemed to beg Thor not to confirm what he suspected.

In a low voice, Thor said, "I found Loki's chambers deserted. He was in the Hall of Justice when I caught up to him. We… had a _disagreement_. He could not be persuaded against it."

"Fool," he said disdainfully. "It'll be a miracle if he isn't already dead."

Heimdall arrived then, calm as always. "All-father," he said.

Odin inclined his head to the gatekeeper. He didn't waste any time saying, "What did you see?"

Heimdall took a few steps closer to the scorched earth on which the pyre was built. Thor and Odin followed his steps. All parties present realized this was done with the intention of putting more distance between themselves and the surrounding Einherjar.

"Loki disabled the Einherjar and confronted the woman. She usurped the prince's seidr to undo her bonds. The two of them did battle for a time. The woman overpowered him through the same methods that she was able to free herself from the manacles; using his own magic to defeat him. The Vanir seized the prince, forcing him to teleport them off-world. I cannot see either of them anymore."

Thor's temper flared and he suspected Odin's did too.

The All-father said, "She used him as a puppet."

"Quite so," the gatekeeper said.

Odin swept an arm through the air. The scent of Loki's seidr vanished. The air smelled of nothing but trees and smoke (a practiced sorcerer such as the All-father could execute spells without leaving a trace). Thor was quite certain he had never seen Odin look so angry. The tension was practically rolling off of him in waves. Thor and Heimdall were unconsciously trying not to make noise lest that intensity be focused on them.

"That damned _fool!_"

* * *

><p>Odin mobilized multiple legions of warriors against Vanaheim following the disappearance of Gullveig. Several score of Einherjar were commanded to comb the entirety of Asgard for the two missing persons. Neither hide nor hair was found of either Loki or Gullveig. Thor hadn't expected them to find anything. A lot of time was spent trying to puzzle out where Gullveig may have fled to. It was known that she was well-connected amongst the ruling party of Vanaheim. The order was sent down that any land gained by Æsir forces in Vanaheim was to be turned upside down and torn apart in search of any trace of Gullveig or the missing prince.<p>

Much to Thor's surprise, the warriors took quite nicely to the order. Whether they wanted to be the one to gut the witch on sight or they wanted to be the one to claim the glory and recognition for returning Odin's second son to him, Thor did not know. He only cared that they pursued the search with great enthusiasm. According to talk among the men, they were nearly as upset as he about the abduction (because that's what it was, right?) of the second prince. It appeared to Thor that, after all these years of ridiculing and bullying, the people seemed to be very upset that Loki had been made a victim again. The Æsir saw Loki as a joke and ragdoll. But more than that, Loki was _their _joke and ragdoll. The Vanir could not simply take their source of amusement and not expect retribution. Thor never thought he would be so relieved that his people liked to rag on his little brother so much.

Odin had half-expected, half-hoped that the Vanir would proposition him with a prisoner exchange. The Æsir had seized several of the more well-known Vanir. The prisoners were important enough to be traded for a prince. The All-father would have refused any exchanges, not wanting to bend to the will of his enemies. He just sorely wanted to be ensured that Loki was still alive. But the Vanir did not try to reach him or discuss anything remotely concerning hostages. Odin began to fear that Gullveig wasn't as invested in the war between Asgard and Vanaheim as he had previous believed. Well-known and respected by her home world she may be, but Odin had never stopped to consider that her loyalty may lie with another party all together. Was blood magic not also a condemnable act in Vanaheim?

Intense interrogation of one of the Vanir prisoners revealed that Gullveig was not, in fact, living in Vanaheim. She had not held residence there since she was just a girl. She would not have gone back there, especially not while a war waged and not while she carried a high-profile companion. Odin sent a query to all the realms with which Asgard maintained friendly relations. All responded that they were not housing the witch nor had they had any recent visitors matching the descriptions provided, which did not necessarily eliminate the possibility that Loki and Gullveig were there (as they both were capable of shape-shifting). However, it would be unlikely that no one had noticed them for as long as they had been missing. While Loki could maintain illusions for long durations, he could not keep up a false exterior for several months on end, especially not with the witch siphoning seidr from him.

That meant that Gullveig was either on a hostile world or she was hiding in the dark places between Yggdrasil's branches. Odin was inclined to believe the latter. One could absolutely disappear in those voids, never to return. Two might just be able to skirt around in the shadows. The thought made Odin's stomach turn. As the wisest being in the Nine, the All-father knew exactly what lived in that darkness. Nothing good ever came out of it. Any creature unfortunate enough to fall into the void's reach was either never seen again or warped so much that it might as well be something entirely new. He did not want to imagine Loki dwelling on those dead stars and in those bottomless pits. He was too young, too impressionable, in too much pain to come back to Asgard unharmed. That is, if Loki came back at all.

Odin wouldn't let himself think that way. If not to save his own mind from inescapable grief, then to save Thor and Frigga's.

* * *

><p><em>What is so delicate that saying its name breaks it, Liesmith? <em>

(me)

Silence.

_Poor people have it. Rich people need it. If you eat it, you die. What is it, Liesmith?_

_ (what are _you, _Liesmith)_

Nothing.

_What can you hear but not touch or see, Liesmith?_

(you)

Your voice.

_What has one eye but cannot see, Liesmith?_

(Odin)

A needle.

_What gets broken without being held, Liesmith?_

(me)

A promise.

_Feed it and it lives. Give it a drink and it dies. What is it, Liesmith?_

(me)

Fire.

_They come out at night without being called, and are lost in the day without being stolen. What are they, Liesmith?_

(stars?)

Stars.

_It has a head but never weeps; has a bed but never sleeps; can run but never walks. What is it, Liesmith?_

(me)

A river.

_What is always coming but never arrives, Liesmith?_

_ (will _never_ arrive, Liesmith)_

Tomorrow.

_What is something you will never see again, Liesmith?_

(everything)

Yesterday.

_What has a neck but no head, Liesmith?_

"Me."

* * *

><p>Odin had Thor and Tyr raise more warriors that would be sent off with them to battle. The god of war found Thor to be an excellent student. All those years spent bored at Odin's side actually proved to be very useful. Thor's mind was open to new information; able to improvise and draw the useful information out of long reports. His tolerance for boredom was great. (Personally, Thor would credit Loki for his well-honed patience.) Every few days, new reports would come to Asgard about the state of the battle. Thor and Tyr would pour over the maps and notes for hours. They talked endlessly about possible scenarios and plans of attack. Any possibility was brought up and planned for. Orders were sent back to the frontlines accounting even the most unlikely of circumstances.<p>

Soon this tedious and slow correspondence would be unnecessary. Both Thor and Tyr would be on the field of battle, able to command their people in real time. Both of them looked forward to this. The inaction made Thor restless. Any distraction that presented itself was given his full, unwavering attention. Most of the Æsir found this unnerving. When he wasn't planning for war, Thor spent all of his time on the training grounds. He worked with the men that would be sent off with him to war. This leadership style resonated with his warriors. They were the best-trained group Asgard had ever seen. Each of them was experienced with every weapon Asgard had in her armory. Thor spent time with each of the warriors individually so that he may know what type of person he was. For the most part, he liked what he saw.

Thor had little patience for the less capable. More than once he had someone transferred out of his ranks simply because he didn't like something about the warrior. He wanted only the best. As a result, Thor's was an elite group. Already the war council was planning to have his team infiltrate Vanaheim's most stubborn strongholds. Although there was little chance of them being there, the objective of these missions was to (primarily) locate Loki and (secondarily) recapture Gullveig.

Because of his demanding standards, Thor rebelled against some of Asgard's oldest traditions by not accepting anyone but Sif as his second-in-command. (There was only one very exclusive route for women that chose to fight to take. Her only option was to serve as a part of the Valkyrie Force; it dealt with stealth operations and required extensive experience with magic, which most did not have.) There was no gender integration in Æsir forces until Thor and Sif undid millennia of tradition. Sif proved to be one of the most proficient warriors Asgard had ever seen. She was able to hold her own as they strategized, and there were few that could best her in single combat.

In Loki's absence, Sif became Thor's dearest friend.

The two of them spent any of their spare time in each other's company. Most times the Warriors Three (who were also under Thor's command) would accompany their superior officers on their free-time excursions, but it was not uncommon for Thor to go off hunting with only Sif as his company where it used to be Loki. Sif came to value this time; she knew that Thor would not invite just anyone to hunt with him in his beloved forest. It was a very intimate gesture on his part. Sif took it as an honor to be the one that Thor trusted most to fill the void left in him by his brother. She only wished it wasn't mere companionship that he was looking for. Knowing better than to broach the subject with war on their horizon, Sif carried on in her role as second-in-command and close friend while silently wishing that Thor would see beyond the surface. To be clear, her personal feelings in no way influenced her decisions or advice as a ranked warrior. She was not a swooning maiden, after all.

Sif's position broke down antiquated practices, and other women pursued a warrior's path. The shieldmaidens were quickly established. Privately, Odin had decided to allow women to take up arms because he wanted larger numbers, and there simply weren't enough men. But this decision ended up serving the All-father well. The shieldmaidens returned Odin's investment in them several times over. They proved to be excellent tacticians. The women seemed to put more stock and seriousness into their training since they all felt they had something to prove to the eyebrow-raising men. The impressive skills of the women propelled the men to try harder in order to preserve their pride. Woe to the warrior that let a shieldmaiden best him in combat (which the women often did).

At first the male warriors doubted to ability and complained about the usefulness of the women. Odin had worried that a battle between the sexes would erupt while he was trying to fight a battle with the Vanir. His fear was not unfounded in the beginning. Only after multiple training exercises and maneuvers did the ranks seem to become accepting of the women. This was due in no small part to Sif's leadership. Thor let her lead the company on their training missions so that they would be accustomed to her command. As before, the warriors took to Sif's leadership quite nicely. Once during a training mission, Thor split his numbers, giving half of the warriors over to Sif's command and keeping the other half for himself. Sif's group surrounded Thor's, defeated all his men, and captured him. She garnered respect quicker than Thor did.

Aside from Sif, there was only one other woman in Thor's company. Her name was Brynhildr Buðladóttir. If Thor did not already have Sif as his lieutenant, he would have chosen Brynhildr for the job. She followed orders well, but she also thought for herself. Brynhildr was not afraid to tell Thor when she thought his plans were insufficient. This was something he greatly appreciated. It reminded him of Loki in a way. Brynhildr and Sif were never quiet when he asked them to critique his proposed battle plans, but they never gave the kind of biting and useful improvements that Loki always had. Not even Tyr – whose rank was technically above Thor's when it came to matters of war – would plainly tell Thor that his ideas were trash because of these reasons. It seemed as if most of the warriors were afraid to offend their prince. Thor never had to worry about that when Loki was around. The fact that Loki was not around, though, was the reason that Thor was in the position he currently found himself.

Thor and the newest round of warriors would be sent out to battle in another day. He and Tyr had spent three years training and growing their numbers. Before they were to go, each company of warriors was equipped with a small number from the Valkyrie Force. Thor was not aware that he would be accommodating the sorceresses. Their use of magic would certainly be useful when the time came. Thor could think of several uses for their expert stealth as well. There would be seven sorceresses attached to his unit of warriors. His group from the Valkyrie Force was commanded by the Lady Sigyn Sigurdsdóttir, and she was a very brash woman indeed. He met with her to discuss how their two very different forces would work together.

The first thing the sorceress said was, "I will be commanding my own ranks. We are a sovereign group that will follow your leadership by choice and not force. I reserve the right to withdraw our support at any time."

There was a challenge in her voice that Thor was sorely missing in several of his own men. This sort of woman would not lead people to death. He liked her immediately and was glad to have her as the leader of his company's auxiliary group. The only possible fault – if it could be called a fault – he could find in her was her age. She was young; younger than Thor. She was not even of age. He comforted himself in the fact that she would not have risen to the rank she had without having the proper prerequisites.

Thor spent the day before their departure for battle in the forest. It was customary for commanders to hunt and feast their warriors before their entrance to battle. Thor had already met significant success in the forest. He'd had the Einherjar attending him take all of the game back to the barracks. He would not join his men. Being alone in the forest brought tranquility to him that he had not experienced since before Loki disappeared. It had been too long since he'd seen his brother. Indeed, he wondered if Loki still lived. All of Asgard wondered if he still lived. It had been three years to the day since Gullveig vanished with him. Granted, three years was not very long in the eyes of the Æsir. But it was a long time for one as young as Loki to be in the company of a known user of blood magic. They still scoured the realms for any hint of him but nothing promising had arisen. Not even Heimdall had seen him.

Thor dwelt on thoughts of Loki when he heard Sif's voice tearing frantically through the quiet of the forest. He had spent near an entire day alone amongst the greenery. Her shouts sounded louder than they ought to.

"I'm here," Thor shouted from his perch (which happened to be the ledge from which he used to jump into the lake).

"_Thor!_" Sif's voice said somewhere close by, "You wonderful idiot, you are never going to believe it!"

He stayed quiet and waited for Sif to come to him. She broke clear of some low-hanging branches and smiled up at him.

She said, "Well, come down! We must return!"

"Why?" he asked with more than a hint of skepticism. Over the past three years, this lake was the closest he'd come to his brother. He wouldn't leave it for just anything. War was coming for him with tomorrow's sunrise. Thor didn't know when the next time would be where he could sit beside this lake.

"Something wonderful has happened."

"What is it?"

"I want it to be a surprise. Won't you just come with me?"

"No. Why can't you just tell me? I do not want to leave the forest for something frivolous."

Sif laughed and looked up at him impatiently. "Please, you stubborn idiot, just come with me."

"Not until you tell me why." Thor was beginning to grow annoyed.

"Oh, _fine_, then. It's Loki!"

Every atom that made up Thor seemed to cease its random motion. Bodies dead and mutilated beyond recognition cycled horrifyingly though Thor's mind's eye. He felt like his voice was being swallowed when he choked out, "They've found him?"

"More like _he_'s found _them_!"

Thor dared to hope. "He's alive?"

"_Yes!_ He walked right up to Hjalmar and asked if they were of Asgard."

"Where is he?"

Sif laughed at the look on Thor's face. "He'd just arrived at the palace when I left to find you. He's probably with the All-father and the queen now."

Thor dropped from the rock and took off running without another word. He ran clear across the open fields and farms that were being harvested. He ran past the city gates and palace walls. He didn't stop running until he was outside Loki's chambers. Frigga was standing outside the door as if she knew he would turn up any second. Thor didn't break stride as he went up to his mother and hugged her with more emotion than he'd ever done. She laughed giddily when he lifted her from the ground and spun them both in a circle. Setting her back on her feet, Thor beamed.

"Tell me," he said.

"He just showed up. Out of nowhere. Teleported to just behind the frontline in Hjalmar's section and asked if they were Æsir. Just like that."

"As if nothing had happened?"

"As if nothing had happened," she confirmed. "As though he'd only been gone a few days."

"Has he said where he's been? What happened to him? Did he say where Gullveig is?"

Frigga shook her head. "He won't speak of it."

"Loki," Thor sighed. Frigga nodded as if she knew exactly what he meant, which she probably did. Regaining the smallest amount of seriousness, Thor said, "He is well?"

"For the most part. Nothing life-threatening. "

"That's good. That's good." And then Thor laughed out of sheer relief.

"He is exhausted," she said, "but I don't think he'd refuse your company."

He threw open the chamber door with perhaps a little too much enthusiasm. Thor gave little regard to anything in his haste to see for himself his brother living. He feared he'd float away on exhilaration when he saw that familiar face. Loki was lying in his bed and opened his eyes when he heard Thor enter.

"You foolish, impulsive, _stupid_, selfish, wonderful little brother!" Thor shouted as he moved to capture a protesting Loki in his arms. "If you ever pull something like that again, I will personally see to it that you are bound to a rock in our deepest dungeon."

"All in good fun," Loki said softly. "Now, if you would, release me."

The last two words vibrated through Thor's chest. He remembered being hit with that immense concussive force. He did as Loki asked, gently releasing his little brother. Thor tried to convince himself that it was only his imagination telling him that Loki was smaller than he ought to be.

Loki sensed Thor's abrupt change in demeanor and said, "I only meant that I am trying to heal myself. It's easier if I keep still."

That assuaged Thor some. "Why do you need to heal yourself?" he asked.

"Because I have broken parts," Loki said simply. "Do not fret. It's nothing serious."

"Tell me what happened," Thor said after a stretch of silence.

Loki had closed his eyes in the time they hadn't spoken. They didn't open when Thor spoke. "You may ask one question of me. I am too tired for storytelling."

Thor didn't think he liked those terms, but he thought on which question of his many would be the most important. Finally, he said, "Where is Gullveig?"

"She is dead. Now leave me."

His mind spinning in a thousand different directions, Thor didn't know what to do next. Curiosity towards the manner of the witch's death was foremost in his mind. Was Loki sure that she was dead? Thor scolded himself for thinking such a thing. If anyone in the Nine Realms knew that Gullveig was dead, it was going to be Loki. She had demonstrated too often the hold and connection between the two of them. A wild part of Thor's mind shouted that they didn't need to fight anymore. The war was no longer important. Loki was returned and that was all the battle had been about, wasn't it? The more sane part of his mind scoffed. Loki was not the crux of the war. He was but a small piece. His safe return and Gullveig's alleged death did little to smooth over relations between Asgard and Vanaheim. Loki had returned home just in time for Thor to leave for war.

* * *

><p><strong>Note:<strong>

**I made up the Valkyrie Force, any resemblance to something that already exists is unintentional. It is composed exclusively of women that are very experienced with magic. They're intended to be used for secret, under-the-table, special forces missions. **

**Brynhildr is a Valkyrie in Germanic mythology. If she is mentioned again, her character will be kept as true to that presented in the stories as possible. Sigyn's last name is made up. (I love strong female characters, and I took the opportunity to introduce as many as possible.)**

**A lot of time and events have just happened in only a few words. Hopefully, I'll be able to fill in any gaps in the future. Since this whole Gullveig story arc was supposed to only last two chapter and be the introduction, we are _now_ about to start the true plot. Thanks for hanging tough this far. **

**Cheers, **

**E.R. **


	5. Chapter 5

**John Steinbeck wrote in _East of Eden_, "But the Hebrew word, the word timshel - 'Thou mayest' - that gives a choice. It might be the most important word in the world. That says the way is open. . . . For if 'Thou mayest' - it is also true that 'Thou mayest not.'"**

* * *

><p>Asgard feasted that night so that the warriors headed into battle would be met with good fortune. Thor did not want to go. He sat at Loki's bedside long after his brother had told him to leave. Loki didn't protest but he didn't acknowledge Thor's presence either. Thor suspected that Loki had fallen asleep hours ago. No doubt healing himself was an exhausting task. Despite the lack of interesting conversation, Thor found this company satisfying. Nothing in all of Asgard could bring him the calm that Loki's (relatively) safe return had.<p>

Under all of that relief lived fear. Thor was afraid what would happen in his absence. He did not want to go off and make war with Vanaheim mere hours after his brother had returned from the dead. Thor was afraid what things would look like when he got back. He was afraid that Loki would be gone again. Already Thor knew something was different about his brother. The current had shifted in Loki, and Thor didn't know what that meant for the rest of them. His intuition told him that the change probably wasn't for the better. If Loki wouldn't speak about what had happened to him, there was little chance that his time away had been good for him.

Thor's thoughts wrestled with his hopes. On the whole, Loki looked just the same as he did when he disappeared. He was perhaps a little gaunt now, but that was to be expected. He _was _healing himself. No one in all the realms had ever looked _good_ while they were putting themselves back together. Thor suspected that his brother was worse than he appeared. Illusions had ever been Loki's strong suit. It would not be a surprise if he was hiding under glamour now. Thor was not as stupid as his friends liked to tease him of being. If his brother was spending all this time lying still and healing himself, surely he should look worse than he does right now.

But Thor kept silent and sat in his place all through the night. Loki didn't stir once. When the darkness was beginning to lighten, Thor contemplated waking his brother so that they could have a proper goodbye. He didn't have the heart to shake Loki from his peace. So Thor got his feet and left. He hoped he still recognized his brother when the war was over.

* * *

><p>The relief troops had been gone for three days. That was all the time that Odin could wait before his patience frayed. Loki sat in a spindly chair in the All-father's study while Odin paced. Frigga sat unassumingly off to the side. She had argued against Odin demanding answers from Loki so soon. <em>He is not well yet<em>, she said over and over, _he is in no condition to be interrogated. _ Standing here now, Odin tended to agree. That tired look in his youngest son's eyes was troubling. But he could not go back on his order just because his son was still looking ill. Loki need only answer his questions. Then he could go back to resting.

"Where did she take you?" Odin asked for what felt like the thousandth time as he paced to and fro.

Loki sighed heavily and closed his eyes. "I've told you before. I do not want to speak of it."

"You _must_."

The younger didn't offer a reply beyond the shaking of his head.

"Loki," Odin said with as much patience and forced understanding that he could muster; pausing to look directly at his son. "This is important. It is not something you can keep to yourself, because it is not just about you. This is all of Asgard. This is her protection. If an insidious institution is threatening her security, you must tell me."

Loki's eyes slowly rolled open. Odin saw his own frustration reflected back at him in those green irises. "I am telling you that there is no one threatening Asgard. At least, there was no one _I_ encountered that has plans to threaten Asgard. The witch is dead. Isn't that enough? Can't you just take my word for it?"

"No."

"And why _not_?"

"Because you are lying!" Odin cried. "I've known you your entire life, Loki! I know what your lies look like! Why don't you tell me what happened? Who took you? _Why?_ Simply tell me the truth and I will believe every word of it."

Loki's hands clenched. No words moved past his lips. Odin let out a frustrated growl and resumed his pacing. He needed this information. He needed to ensure the security of Asgard. Just as much, Odin wanted to help Loki. He knew something was different with Loki, something permanent had moved. And that didn't sit right with Odin. His son was irreversibly hurt and so terrified of it happening again that he wouldn't reveal who had done it. That incited rage within the All-father. There was plenty of anger left over for his son protecting whatever malevolent entity that had captured him. Odin was not angry with Loki. He was angry with Loki's lack of confidence in him as a protector. His own son feared someone else more than he trusted Odin to shield him.

And that was how he knew there was a looming threat. Someone did not just perform blood magic on a prince of Asgard, abduct that prince, and then simply return him home after three years without ever making demands. Gullveig must have been part of something larger, Odin surmised. He supposed the goal must have been to turn Loki against Asgard. Why anyone would think that was possible, Odin did not want to imagine; too many skeletons lived in that closet. If the All-father knew one thing, it was that Loki did not scare easily. Not once had he ever flinched in the face of violence. When he was no higher than Odin's knee, Loki used to help clean the kills that the hunting party would return with; gore did not scare Odin's second son. He lived more than half of his life under a blood spell. The magic that went into trying to undo that was not pleasant. Loki was accustomed to pain and had a higher tolerance for it than anyone his age ought to.

That someone would be able to goad Loki into _anything_ confounded Odin All-father. Loki was undaunted and stubborn. Whatever these people had done to him to make him keep his silence worried and enraged Odin. He would start another war over the wrongs done to Loki if only his son would tell who had taken him.

Odin looked at Loki slumped in his seat through both a king's and a father's eye. He ceased his pacing and took a breath. He said softly, "Loki, please. I want to make this right. Whatever has been done to you, let me help. We can still salvage this situation."

"And how do you know any of that is true?" Loki hissed. "What makes you think I want help? How do you know I _can_ be helped?"

"I don't," Odin said as he tried to conceal his returning frustration. "Not unless you tell me."

Loki laughed caustically. "If there was anything that could be done to make this better, don't you think I would have done it by now? Things are the way they are, and they cannot be changed. I have already told you that no one threatens Asgard and that the witch Gullveig is dead. And if that is not enough, then I cannot help you."

Odin was not above forcing answers from Loki and he told his son so. When the pressure was on – he hated to admit it – Odin believed that he _would _hurt Loki for his own good. Frigga looked dismayed at the mere thought of torturing information out of their own child. There may as well have been daggers in her eyes, the way she glared at Odin. Loki, however, laughed at the suggestion.

"Do whatever you must, All-father!" he said sarcastically. "I have already told you all that deserves to be said. By all means, set loose your hounds on me. We will see whose will yields first!"

"Loki, I do not want to hurt – . . ."

"Then don't!" he shouted and got to his feet. "_Believe me_ when I say that there is nothing left to know. _Believe me_."

"I cannot take a liar at his word!" Odin positively roared.

Frigga was on her feet in an instant, looking murderous. Loki stared at the All-father as though he had been slapped. Slowly, he began to back away. Frigga reached out to stop him, but Loki slipped her reach. Already Odin was regretting his outburst. He really did not have any patience for this.

"Son, wait," he said with authority.

Loki paused with his hand on the doorknob and his back to the room.

Odin ran a hand through his beard. Choosing his words carefully, he said, "I am sorry that I lost my patience. I did not mean to be so crass. I am merely concerned about you; not just a king worried about his kingdom, but a father worried about his son."

"Do not call me that," Loki whispered without turning around.

"What?" Odin asked.

"Do not call me son."

Frigga intervened. "You are exhausted and upset, Loki."

He spun toward her so fast that Frigga's voice died in her throat. "Do not tell me how I feel!"

"Don't speak to your mother with that tone of voice," Odin said sharply. He hated the way this conversation was spiraling out of his control.

Loki's turbulent emotions turned back to the king. In an incredulous, long-suffering manner, he said, "But she's not my mother, is she? And _you _are not my father!"

By the time the king and queen recovered from that remark, Loki had fled the scene. They locked eyes with each other, both of their minds reeling.

"How does he know?" Odin breathed. "How could he have found out?"

Frigga covered her eyes with a hand. "What have we done?"

Odin's jaw snapped. "We? _This_ is not our fault."

There was fire in the All-father's wife's eyes. "It certainly is not his."

* * *

><p><em>The world unfolded around him and Loki could breathe once more. As soon as the ground existed, his legs gave out and he fell on it. <em>

_ "Come now, little one," Gullveig said. "Don't be so dramatic."_

_ But Loki cared little for how he kept himself together. "Where have you taken me?" he said between breaths. _

_ "Would you like to guess?"_

No_, was the first thing that Loki thought. He was in no mood for games. His limbs were still trembling and his mind swirling. All of his body ached. He had never fought magic with magic before. Indeed, he had never fought _anything _with magic. It was a sure thing that the witch would overpower him. He berated himself for ever going to her. Something terrible was bound to happen. Loki turned onto his side and looked at his new surroundings – definitely not Asgard – and thought that something much worse than 'terrible' had happened. But really, he had no way of knowing that the witch could use him like a toy; pull on him as if he had strings like a marionette. _

_ Loki didn't think he'd ever felt as powerless as when the witch used his own seidr against him. In all his days as a test subject for healers and sorcerers, he had never felt as _used_ as he did then. It left him feeling absolutely violated when she'd forced him to undo her bindings and transport them away. That lack of control over even himself scared Loki more than anything in the Nine Realms and all the spaces in between. Worse still, it had hurt more than any pain that Gullveig had ever shared with him; it hurt more than any method the healers had ever used to try to sever the connection. When she usurped his magic, it felt as if hooks had caught him and were all being pulled at the same time; all of them pulling _away_. If Gullveig did it once more, Loki feared that he would be pulled apart into a million bloody pieces. _

_ "Tell me where we are," Loki said quietly. It was begging, or near enough. The backs of his eyes were burning and he hated it. All of this was too much at one time. _

_ "I don't know," Gullveig said lightly, teasingly. "You brought us here."_

_ Eyes closed, Loki clenched his hands into tight fists. He was merely a vessel, so to speak. His magic executed the teleportation, but Gullveig had control of the rudder. All at once, Loki decided that it was past time that he got himself up off the ground and started thinking. He would get out of this before things strayed too far. Wasn't this how most of his tricks played out? Things always got complicated before he ended up pulling it off in the end. _

_ Getting to his feet, Loki looked to the skies. It was mostly dark. Above them, just barely visible, was a brilliantly crimson body. Muspelheim, he guessed. Nothing else had quite that particular hue. Green eyes roving over the heavens, he saw another world that was much nearer, though still very far away. It looked cold even from this distance. If he had not been looking specifically for significant landmarks, Loki may not have noticed it. It could only be Niflheim. That meant that he was in…_

_ "Ginnungagap." _

_ "Very good," Gullveig said. It almost sounded sincere. "The very center."_

_ Loki turned to look at her. "Nothing is supposed to be here. It is a void."_

_ "Doesn't look like a void to me."_

_ That was true. The very fact that they were standing on solid ground proved that Ginnungagap was not a void. It was supposed to have been completely desolate. The Frost Giants did war with the Fire Giants eons ago. Their war completely destroyed the area. It was inhabitable. But the two realms remained. Loki could see both Muspelheim and Niflheim from where he stood. The war in Ginnungagap was legendary. Loki saw now that parts of the story had been greatly exaggerated. _

_ "I have to let him know we're here," Gullveig said. _

_ He looked at her for a moment, confused as to why she would say that to him. Who were they meeting? Before Loki could give voice to any of his questions, the witch stepped forward, summoned a blade using his seidr, and cut open the scar on his arm that had just formed after all those years of festering. He didn't even pay attention to what Gullveig did with the blood she collected from his weeping arm. The stealing of his magic had left him undone. She must have known the effect it had on him. _

_ Loki was still struggling to convince himself that his skin was not being pulled off by an infinite number of hooks when a third person appeared out the air. _

_ "At last," a deep, aged voice said. _

_ The new addition knelt beside Loki on the rocky ground. Face mere inches away, Loki saw that it was a man that looked quite normal if not extremely withered. He could have been Æsir. No doubt, Loki had never seen someone as old as this being. Some deep part of his mind whispered that there was something about this wizened creature that was familiar. The man reached out his wrinkled hands to Loki's shoulders. Instinctively, Loki flinched away. The man _tsk_ed in dissatisfaction. _

_ Turning to Gullveig, he said, "I see he did not come willingly."_

_ The witch shook her head to confirm his words._

_ "You've frightened him, my dear," he said. "Surely that was not necessary."_

_ "It was his _family_ that did most of the damage. I only marked him and waited."_

_ The man tilted his head and smiled knowingly. "I think you did a little more than that."_

_ Gullveig shrugged. "I had to keep him interested."_

_ Shaking his head, he faced Loki again. "Come now, boy, be not afraid."_

_ Loki took that invitation for all it was worth. Forcing himself to his feet, he stood at his full height and clenched his jaw. The man had risen with him. His age left him stooped; Loki stood several inches above him. They never broke eye contact. _

_ "Who are you and what do you want with me?" Loki demanded. _

_ The man smiled in a way that seemed to take up the entirety of his lined face. "I only want to talk," he said. "You see, we've never had the chance to meet. I am Cul Borson. I am your adoptive uncle."_

_ Inside, Loki felt his resolve crumbling in the face of all of his confusion. He did not let this show on the outside. In unfamiliar surroundings such as these, he knew he could not let his defenses slip for a second. But Loki could not stop himself from saying, "Adoptive?"_

_ The look on Cul Borson's face was unreadable even to one as experienced as Loki. "Come, nephew. We have much to discuss."_

* * *

><p>Loki came awake abruptly, jerking away from his wandering mind as if it could not happen soon enough. A few seconds ticked by as he gathered his wits. He sensed Frigga's presence before he actually saw her. She sat in a seat beside his bed. Loki remembered Thor sitting there only days ago. The light was dim in the window. Whether it was dawn or dusk, Loki did not know. It was cold, and he was grateful for it.<p>

"What were you dreaming?" Frigga asked. "It had you fitful."

"Is there anything I can keep to myself?" he responded stoically.

"I didn't mean anything by it. You've always been a fitful sleeper."

Loki took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "What are you trying to do?"

"I just want to know that you're going to be better."

"I'm already fine. Besides, it's none of your concern."

"Loki, please. I know you're upset, and you have every right to be. But you know as well as I that there is nothing I can do about how much I care. I may not be the mother who bore you, but I _am_ the mother that raised and loves you. And isn't that the kind of mother that matters?"

She was right. Loki knew that. He did not need to say anything for Frigga to know that he agreed with every word she said. He was not angry with being 'adopted' as much as he was with being lied to about his very nature his entire life. That sort of subterfuge had Odin's name written all over it. Frigga would never hide something this important from him on her own. She would have to be convinced by a very strong case.

"You would raise and love a monster," Loki said.

"You are no monster, Loki," she said with all the patience that Odin lacked. "And if the entire universe and the Norns themselves named you so, I would not stop loving you. What is monster but a word? If you were a monster, Loki, then I would try to make it so I was one as well."

"I do not doubt your words," he said without looking at her. "I only wish it were enough."

Frigga ran one of her hands through his hair. "And I only wish you would tell us what happened to you."

"I cannot."

She did not look surprised to hear it. The motion of her hand combing through her son's hair seemed to ground Asgard's queen. The physical reassurance that he was still alive put to rest the incessant worrying that gnawed on her nerves for three straight years.

"You would heal faster if you did not maintain the illusion you hide yourself in," she said quietly.

Loki's eyes had fallen closed in the silence between his last words and hers. Frigga's voice led him back to wakefulness. He looked at the woman he had always called mother. There was nothing but earnestness in her eyes. In the face of that, he didn't even try to hide his own reaction.

"I know. I only keep it so no one will see."

"And why should no one see?"

He shook his head. "I do not wish it. They will pity me."

Frigga stopped running her fingers through his hair. Instead, her hand cupped the side of his face. "It would relieve me immensely if you would let me heal some of it for you. You have been lying in here trying to put yourself together for three days, Loki. It worries me that whatever has happened to you cannot be healed in that time. Remove the glamour and put a tormented mother at ease. Show me and I will not ask how you came to be this way."

She could see that her words were having the desired effect. The love she bore him was looking back at her out of those eyes. He would show her his wounds because he did not want her to worry about him. Loki would do as Frigga asked even if it what would put her mind at ease was the very last thing he would want to do.

Liberating one of his arms from the cocoon of blankets he had swathed himself in, Loki closed his eyes and lifted the illusion from only the proffered limb. Frigga bit down on her tongue so that no sounds would escape her. The fingers visible under the loose cuff of his shirt were red, raw, and trembling. She took his hand as lightly as she could into one of hers. Slowly and gently, she rolled back his sleeve. Bile sloshed threateningly in her stomach. Every last bit of skin on his arm had been flayed off. Frigga did not doubt that the rest of his body would look just like his arm. And this was only the surface.

"You said the witch was dead," Frigga dared to say.

"She is," Loki said tightly. He made a valiant effort not to let the agony of his condition show on his face. "I fell into the grasp of something worse."

In that moment, Frigga vowed to find whoever dared do this to what was hers and unleash every last cruelty Asgard had within its reach and then all the ones that were not.

* * *

><p>Somewhere between Asgard and Vanaheim, Thor sat beside a small fire. Up on the rocky outcropping, he had a clear view of his entire camp. If the front-lines were any reference, then Thor's team was very much behind enemy lines. Which was, of course, the point of his force. His was the smallest of all the Æsir forces. But already they had made significant headway.<p>

In fact, he sat in wait for Sigyn to report back to him. She and her sorceresses were out on a reconnaissance mission. They had successfully infiltrated the Vanir stronghold that was holding one of Tyr's companies down in a valley. There the Æsir were taking heavy casualties. Once the women returned with the Vanir's strategic information, Thor would lead his forces to the stronghold from the rear and catch their enemy unaware. If all went according to plan, they could bring relief to the pinned-down troops and transport all the wounded to the healers' field station.

It was the snap of a stick behind him that alerted Thor to the arrival of the commanding sorceress. She had no doubt made the noise on purpose. He knew that she could take him unaware if she truly wanted to. The stick was a courtesy. It made Thor smirk. The subtly of the move reminded him of Loki; announcing an arrival without speaking a word.

"Please," he said, "join me."

Sigyn emerged from the shadows of the trees. There was not a hair out of place or a single blemish on her light armor. Thor suspected all the women of the Valkyrie Force had enchanted their uniforms. He could think of no other explanation since his own forces looked positively filthy by comparison. It painted an accurate picture of the difference between warriors and magic-users.

Settling herself in the grass near Thor, Sigyn said, "Mission went well. I've briefed Sif. She intends to pass the information along to the rest of your forces. I've left a written report in your tent."

"Good. Thank you."

Neither said anything else. Sigyn stayed where she sat as if she knew there was more to come.

"You remind me of my brother," Thor finally said.

Her face remained impassive. Waiting.

Thor rolled his eyes and laughed once. "Especially when you act like that."

A silence more expectant than the one before fell between them. Sigyn pursed her lips and then said, "I met him once."

"Did you?" Thor's interest was piqued.

She nodded. "Years ago. We were merely children at the time. I saw him in the fields just outside the city walls. I didn't know who he was; thought he was just another orphan roaming around the city. When I asked what he was doing, he said he was collecting snakes." She rolled her eyes. "He was going about it all wrong. I showed him a better way to catch them. He challenged me to a competition to decide whose method was actually better. I didn't even realize he was using me until I filled that bag of his full of garter snakes."

Thor didn't fight the smile that came over him. "That sounds like Loki. What did he promise you if you won the contest?"

"A debt."

Privately, Thor was surprised. Loki did not enter into someone's debt very often and certainly not willingly. The image of a young version of his little brother promising a little girl he had only just met a favor amused Thor.

He said, "He must have liked you."

"Oh?" Sigyn looked skeptical with a brow raised.

"He would only offer you his aid if he wanted to see you again."

"I never did use the favor he owes me."

"He must have been crushed when he realized you didn't want to see him again."

"I'm sorry I didn't return his sentiments. Tell him I absolve him from his debt the next time you see him, will you?"

"I'll be sure to do that."

Sigyn left to return to her comrades a few minutes later. She was not, on the whole, a sentimental or sensitive woman. Sif may have stayed and talked with him since it was so clear that he was starved for company and was worrying about how his brother was doing at home. Thor admonished himself for being so needy while he was at war. There was plenty to keep his mind focused on. But he couldn't help thinking about the anecdote Sigyn had just told him. Loki was a child collecting snakes in her account. Thor was quite sure that that was a story of his brother preparing for the stunt that would land him in a week-long confinement. After that week, Thor himself would spring Loki from his punishment. They would run to a lake in a small forest, Loki would find a body hanging in a tree, and the sky would fall.

_A child collecting snakes._

Sigyn had told Thor the prelude to Loki's ruin.

* * *

><p><strong>Note:<strong>

**In this story, Niflheim and (if it is mentioned) Jötunheim both house colonies of Frost Giants. (Also, Fire Giants are a thing.) Niflheim is (in this story), like, right on top of Helheim. The Frost Giants that live in Niflheim are the freaky-deaky ones that like to hang with dead people. Think of them as evil(er) than those that live in/on Jötunheim.**

**Ginnungagap (again, in this story) is a sort of island planet between the fires of Muspelheim and the cold mists of Niflheim. The heat and cold from both respective worlds mixing in the space between them make Ginnungagap a crazy-weird place. More on the specifics of its weirdness to come in future chapters. (I'm 87% sure I'll get around to mentioning it again.)**

**Niflheim, ****Jötunheim, Muspelheim, and Ginnungagap are all places mentioned in myths. ****Jötunheim (if it is mentioned) will take after what was presented in the first _Thor_ film. All the rest of them will be based on my interpretation of myths. **

**Cul Borson (alias: The Serpent) is from the comic universe. I'll be pulling some information from his comic arcs and making up my own traits so he fits nicely into the plot of this story. **

**(Disclaimers, etc.) **

**Garter snakes live on Asgard for the sake of symbolism. **

**Cheers,**

**E.R.**


	6. Chapter 6

_ Cul Borson transported the three of them into a grand stone hall. Loki suspected that it was just below where they had been standing. It must have been warded. There was no other reason that Gullveig would not have taken him directly to this place. It was very grey; devoid of almost all color. The teleporting left Loki feeling disoriented again. It was a struggle to keep himself from losing the composure that he had managed to put together. He did not buy the old man's innocence for a second. _

_ "Sit," Cul said with a wave to the immense table that ran most of the length of the hall. "Please." He sat himself at the head of the table nearest the hearth. The air was damp and cold despite the flames. Gullveig sat to his left. _

_ Loki cautiously approached them. "I prefer to stand."_

_ Cul shrugged his rounded shoulders. "As you wish." _

_ No one spoke. The moment was beginning to feel awkward and Loki was in no mood. "You wanted to speak with me. Say what you will." _

_ "Is that any way to speak to your aged and weary uncle that has gone through a lot of trouble just to bring you here?" the old man said. His phrasing made it sound as though he had done Loki a favor. His tone was light, but Loki saw the dagger hidden within the folds of the cloak._

_ "Is that all you wanted to tell me? That you are my uncle? I can't be certain that anything you say is truth. I have met all my uncles, and none of them are named Cul."_

_ "Are you certain you've met _all_ of them?"_

_ "Yes. I have read the records. Bor had no son called Cul." _

_ "Ah, but the records also say Odin has a son called Loki, don't they?"_

_ The urge to bite his lip in uncertainty flared through him, but Loki had long since mastered such nervous ticks. His face betrayed nothing that he did not wish it to. Still, Cul Borson seemed to sense his hesitancy. _

_ "Ha!" He said the word more than he actually laughed. "It was the 'adoptive' part I wanted to talk about."_

_ Loki could not fight his curiosity. As much as he wanted to leave this place and return home, he was hooked. "You have my attention." _

_ "Thought I might. I must ask you; were you truly ignorant to the fact that you are not Odin's blood?"_

_ The question confused Loki. "I am Odinson."_

_ "You aren't. That's what adopted means, boy."_

_ "What are you trying to tell me, then?"_

_ "That you're a Jötunn, of course."_

_ Loki couldn't contain the sarcastic bark of laughter that burst forth. "Is that right?"_

_ "Yes. I was there when Odin picked you up off that snowy rock in Jötunheim after Laufey surrendered. You were a clause in the treaty." Seeing the doubtful look on Loki's face, Cul continued: "My damned brother took Jötunheim's king's child to ensure that they would not make any more aggressive acts against Asgard. You were Odin's hostage since your first day, boy." _

_ "I am no Frost Giant. Do I look blue to you?"_

_ "There's no need to start tossing around derogatory phrases now. And of course you don't _look_ like a __Jötunn__. You're a shape-shifter. Odin knew that when he took you. He's the one that made you look Æsir. He couldn't have a Jötunn walking the halls of the palace, could he? You were a valuable spoil of war, and he couldn't have grieving citizens killing you to avenge those lost in the war."_

_ "How very convenient."_

_ "Don't be so dense. You had to have known something about you was different. Always felt more comfortable in the winter; always hated the hot and humidity of the summer? Liked to climb trees and be up high? Used your magic instinctively instead of what was told to you directly out of a book? Disliked physical contact and affection?"_

_ "None of that makes me a Frost Giant!" Loki said before Cul could go on. It sounded like he had endless examples to list. _

_ "Not just one or even two, no. But all of them together? That's textbook Jötunn behavior. You may have grown up in the golden city, but ice is in your blood."_

_ The stress of the situation was souring in Loki's stomach. He was confused and afraid. No matter how well he hid it, anxiety and trepidation were building within him. His temper began to boil as a result, preparing to protect him from whatever was going to happen here. _

_ "You are a deranged old man. There is no Cul in my family. You are not Borson. I know not what drove you to this madness, but I will not listen to the tidings of a madman any longer." _

_ Loki turned and began walking away from the two creatures seated before the fire. He didn't know where he was or how to escape the stone-carved hall, but he felt the instinctive push to put as much distance between himself and the others as possible._

_ Cul sighed as if he had been given a tedious task. "Gullveig, my dear, please."_

_ There were no words spoken, but Loki felt the agonizing hooks catch on his every cell and the_ _pulling apart of his insides as the witch manipulated his seidr right out of his body. She could not control him physically, but she could easily incapacitate him this way. Loki's progress was halted. His knees cracked on the flagstones of the floor. _

_ Cul got to his feet with great effort. He walked with one hand on the table for support as he rounded on where Loki was huddled. Pulling out one of the nearby chairs, Cul seated himself again. _

_ "I see you are not the type to be satisfied with words. Perhaps a demonstration as proof?" When Loki did not respond, Cul waved for Gullveig to the cease the siphoning of his magic. Loki's body went slack and he lay on the ground panting for breath. Cul called out, "Bestla, could you come in here?"_

_ Loki didn't get up, but he labored until he was looking in the direction from which the sounds of footfalls were echoing. His insides might have been trying to consume themselves when he saw the blue woman enter the hall. Because his joints felt as if they had all been unhooked from each other, he could do nothing to escape. So he turned his head away from the approaching giantess. _

_ If Cul noticed Loki's reaction to the appearance of the Jötunn, he made no comment. He held a hand out to the woman he had called Bestla. She smiled serenely at him, giving the withered old man her hand. Cul lightly kicked Loki in the ribs with the toe of his boot. _

_ "This is my wife Bestla."_

_ "Your wife," Loki breathed in disbelieve. He kept his face turned away from the pair of them and his eyes tightly shut. _

_ "Yes, boy, my wife is a Jötunn. But more than that, she is a fair and loving woman. If you can find one of those in any race, you best not let her go. Now, Bestla is from Niflheim, not Jötunheim as you are. But you two are the same race of being. Perhaps she can convince you of your nature better than I." _

_ Loki couldn't see, but he felt the air moving and heard the giantess kneel beside him. Emotions running rampant, he feared he would vomit. Why did his strength have to fail him now of all times? Tears were building under his closed eyelids. He should have listened to Thor. He should not have gone to Gullveig at her pyre. At the very least, he should not have gone alone. Look where he had gotten himself. A Frost Giant was fixing him in her scarlet gaze. And not even a Frost Giant from Jötunheim, but one of the blood-drinking ones from the mists of Niflheim. These insane inbreds were going to kill him or worse. Loki wished for Thor to be at his side. _

_ "Be not afraid, child," a low voice said beside him. Loki turned his head in the other direction. Better to face Cul than the giantess. "Will you not even look at me?"_

_ Cul muttered something that sounded like "being very rude."_

_ Bestla made a disappointed sound in the old man's direction before turning back to Loki. "You do not have to see me if you do not wish to. But please look at yourself." _

_ As she said it, she wrapped a frigid hand around his arm. Her fingers overlapped right on the scar Gullveig had given him. Loki felt his sleeve flake away, frozen bits of fabric shattering at the slightest touch. All the blood in his veins seemed to freeze, the cold spreading through the rest of his body through the vessels which once provided life. He hated that he found the cold comforting. His skin crawled, but he didn't know if he was meant to feel that way or if it was merely a physical manifestation of his disgust for her race. _

_ With her hand still around his arm, she said, "Look." _

_ He didn't want to, but his curiosity forced his eyelids back. At first all he saw was stone and Cul's boots. Everything looked odd, as if he were seeing things through colored glass. Moving the arm that was not in the Frost Giant's grip into his field of vision, Loki saw that his hand was blue. Deep ridges decorated his skin in a pattern that would fascinate him under any other circumstances. A despaired sound fell from his lips before he could stop it. _

_ "Don't touch me," he rasped and tore his arm from the woman's grip. With the paralyzing weakness leaking from his body, Loki managed to drag himself a few feet away from the old man and the giant. By the time he reached the wall and sat with his back against it, all the blue had faded from his skin. It was replaced with the pale flesh he was so familiar with, that he was comfortable with. His rage rose to protect him from further harm. "What have you done to me?" he spat at the three others that were watching him. _

_ "We have merely shown you the truth that Odin sought to hide from you," Cul said. He made a large sweeping gesture with his arms as if to show Loki the openness of the hall, the lack of secrets. "You are naught more than a prize to him. A bargaining chip."_

_ "And what do you hope to gain by telling me these things?"_

_ "Your trust, of course. You allegiance." _

_ Loki laughed harshly. "And you thought _this_ was the way to win it?"_

_ "Quite." _

_ "What would you even need my allegiance for?"_

_ A curious smile came over Cul's face. "Ah. He finally asks the right question." He took a step toward where Loki sat huddled against the wall. Loki made to scoot himself farther away. Cul took the hint and halted his approach with his hands held up as if to promise no ill will. "My brother would have Asgard war with every realm if he had the means. Does that sound like a good way to reign over innocent souls to you? Odin is no fit ruler. He is greedy, just as our father was. Both fraught with corruption! He will not cease warring until every last breathing creature is under his rule. He would take an infant from its parents just to have the upper hand. You are proof of that."_

_ Loki listened to what the old man said and fought the urge to sneer. "You want to usurp the All-father."_

_ Cul seemed to approve of Loki's ability to see directly to the heart of the issue at hand. "It is not usurping since I am Odin's senior."_

_ The doubt was hard to hide in Loki's eyes. There were too many things piling up in his mind demanding his attention. But foremost was the voice in the back of his head screaming for him to get out of this cave. Loki redoubled his efforts to appear collected. _

_ "Why aren't you king now if you are truly the elder? Why have you been wiped from Asgard's records?"_

_ "For the same reasons that you are listed as Odinson. Because Odin wished it. He is a ruthless man."_

_ "You still haven't said what you want with my allegiance." _

_ "Isn't it obvious, boy? You will return to Asgard and help us reclaim the throne from the inside. You will distract Odin so that I may infiltrate Asgard with my forces as he looks the other way. We will dismantle his rule and install a better regime. _My _regime." _

_ Loki marveled at all of the holes in the plan. The hypothetical plan. This idea of Cul's required Loki's cooperation. As it stood now, Loki could not think of something he would be less inclined to do. Especially not for a man that had orchestrated a coup that made Loki a victim of blood magic, which still did not have a real, logical explanation. Speaking of, he remembered that he did not know where Gullveig came into this picture. What had Cul ever done to win her alliance? There was too much information that he needed to think through. _

_ "There are, of course, several things I will require of you when we return you to Asgard," Cul was saying. _

_ "Excuse me?" Loki said. _

_ "Oh, there is one thing in particular that we will need from the weapons vault before we launch any kind of attack. You see, the Dísir – …"_

_ "The Dísir," Loki deadpanned. This man was speaking of legend. _

_ "That's what I said." Cul went on as if Loki had never interrupted. "The Dísir require a very powerful restorative that is held within those walls. And we need someone in Asgard that may go wherever they please without being questioned." Cul inclined his head at Loki._

_ This was all too absurd. Loki snorted despite himself. "You want me to steal the last of Idun's apples so you may restore the Dísir? Haven't you heard? They do not eat apples. They are cannibalistic." _

_ The friendliness fell out of Cul Borson's face so fast it almost appeared as though a different person stood there. Loki felt his chest constrict for a fraction of a second. The old man didn't seem so slumped and rounded anymore. _

_ Cul said, "I do not wish for them to _eat_ the apples, you arrogant ignoramus." _

_ Bestla moved to stand between Cul and Loki. They had both nearly forgotten there was anyone else in the hall with them. The giantess said, "Will you help Cul reclaim the throne that is rightfully his?"_

_ "Of course I won't!" Loki cried and got to his feet. He did not know where his fear had gone, but he was glad that it wasn't here anymore. His anger was in full control now. Callousness had always been his best defense. "Every word you have spoken to me has been complete and utter nonsense!"_

_ An iciness to rival his wife's nature came over Cul. "No matter. You merely require a more _forceful_ kind of persuasion." To Bestla he said, "Bring the boy in." _

_ The blue giantess moved toward the oaken doors through which she had entered the hall. Loki was torn between watching her and keeping an eye on Cul. Bestla returned to her husband's side with a boy that looked to be even younger than Loki. His hair was more golden than even Thor's. The boy did not look as if he belonged in a dark and dingy place such as this. He was too shining, too perfect. Across the hall, Gullveig looked just as confused as Loki felt. Cul smiled at the young new addition, placing a paternal hand on the boy's shoulder. After whispering in the boy's ear, Cul straightened and faced Loki again. Loki kept a wary eye on the boy as he headed toward the Vanir witch that had kept her silence this whole time. _

_ "Would you like to hear another truth, Loki Laufeyson?" Cul asked rhetorically. "It's about blood magic. You see, our mutual friend Gullveig made you a slave to her through her blood spell. But did you know that blood spells can be transferred?"_

_ Gullveig gave an ear-splitting shriek. Loki's eyes jumped to where she had been standing. The golden boy had his palm on her forehead. Some foul liquid oozed from her eyes, nose, mouth, even her ears. Loki needed only a second to realize that her innards had been melted. Steam rose off her lifeless skin. The boy took his hand away, and her body slumped onto the flagstones. The liquid splattered across the ground with nothing but her skin to hold it in. _

_ "Congratulations," Cul said to recapture Loki's attention. "You are no longer under Gullveig's thumb. Now you are under mine. I thought an operation such as mine would best be kept in the family." He indicated the boy that still stood beside the leaking body. Cul waved him back over to his side. "Since I couldn't convince you to see my way on dethroning Odin, I think, perhaps, _he_ can."_

* * *

><p>The war with Vanaheim was not going well. They had been warring for much longer than either nation had anticipated. Thor was tired of it. Nearly every single man under his command had been wounded and removed from battle at least once, Thor included. He couldn't recall any of the reasons that they were fighting in the first place. The warriors were battle-weary and it showed. The Vanir were able to push the Æsir all the way back to Asgard. They were forced to retreat within the city walls. So far, the walls proved impenetrable. None took that to mean that the walls would stay that way. Every citizen within the city – even the children – was armed to the teeth should any Vanir infiltrate the city. They were, after all, a warrior people.<p>

While this was not the first time that the Vanir had managed to attack Asgard's walls, it was the longest that they had been able to hold ground. Every few years, the Vanir were able to force the Æsir into their stronghold capital using the spells they were so well-known for. Just as quickly, the Æsir would be able to launch their counteroffensive and drive the sorcerers back into the strongest of their own cities. Many lives had been lost on either end of the war. Land had been ruined, buildings burnt to the ground. Prisoners had been seized and sometimes slaughtered. Mostly, however, prisoners were relieved to be out of the combat zones.

Thor and Tyr convened their war councils in the palace with all of the lords under the All-father's command. The keepers of all the castles in the cities beyond the walls congregated in one place to plan their counterattack. The Vanir must be pushed out of Asgard. The Æsir were desperate. One lord suggested Heimdall open the Bifröst on Vanaheim. They would spare the world when the legions on Asgard's doorstep surrendered. Odin vetoed the idea, but he kept it in his head should worst come to worst.

Talk soon turned to peace and ceasefires. Often the Æsir citizens would reflect on how very similar the Vanir were to their own people. Both worlds were weary. Both had forgotten why they were so angry with each other in the first place. The names Gullveig and Loki were quickly forgotten by all expect for those who were closest to the two in question. In fact, if Thor and Odin had not been kin to Loki, both were sure that they would have conceded to peace negotiations a long time ago. They knew that Gullveig had not been a citizen in Vanaheim for many centuries, and that she was not affiliated with their people beyond the few that called her sister among the ruling party. Odin and Thor merely felt that it was a matter of pride to deal the race from which the woman that victimized Loki hailed a crippling blow.

Long ago Loki had told Odin that it was foolish to keep up this war. And if he must keep fighting, Loki asked the All-father to cease doing it in his defense. He told Odin that it was not Vanaheim which had tormented him in his three years away (for Frigga had told Odin about the flaying he had been recovering from), and Gullveig was not allied with the Vanir at the time that he left. Loki requested Odin reassess his reasons for keeping up hostilities when he eliminated anything related to Gullveig. The All-father saw where Loki was coming from.

Not long after that, the Æsir threw up a flag above their damaged but still standing walls calling for a meeting with the Vanir commander. A party of their highest ranking officers met their Æsir counterparts in the palace. As far as politics go, it was a relatively short meeting. Negotiations were hardly that. Both seemed to know that neither was going to come out of this better off than they were before.

And so the war with Vanaheim was ended.

Now began the rebuilding. The armies were deactivated from combat operations and were re-appropriated for the restoration of the realm. Farms needed to be replanted, but it could only do so much since winter was upon them. There was a shortage of food, and thieving became commonplace. Neighbors stole from one another simply to keep from starving. Houses needed to be rebuilt. The settlements outside of the city walls had been razed. Refugees flooded into Asgard's golden city. There was plenty of work that needed to be done, but there was little food to feed the established population, let alone to accommodate the new additions.

The list of casualties was staggering. Orphanages – a rare thing in Asgard before the war – were filled to capacity. The Vanir's manner of attack (i.e. magic) left many of the Æsir unable to recover properly. Some of Vanaheim's most well-established healers agreed to remain in Asgard and do what they could for those in the worst condition. Asgard agreed to offer aid with whatever they could that needed rebuilding in Vanaheim. The relationship between the two nations, for whatever reason, was stronger now than it had ever been.

Odin's brother Vili – lord of the island province Algron – had been killed in the war. Vili's wife Menglad had requested that the All-father take on her youngest son as a ward. Algron was suffering from particularly violent riots and protests in the face of post-war hardships. She intended for Odin to teach her son how to properly rule and keep him safe until such a time that the boy could be returned. Vili had not thought to start teaching his son how to be a ruler when the boy was still but a child (unlike what Odin chosen to do with Thor). By the time the boy reached an age where he might start learning, the war had already begun and Vili had to lead his men into battle (his people were among the first troops dispatched to Vanaheim). Menglad would rule the island as regent until the boy was a man. (She had two older offspring from a previous marriage. They were not Vilison, therefore not eligible for rule of the island.)

So on the day that the boy was to arrive, the palace put all of its efforts into a feast. This was not easy to do because of the short supply of food. The Einherjar had been hunting for _days_ in attempt to collect enough meat for the occasion. Since he was to be welcoming family to the palace, Thor was relieved of his restoration obligations. His cousin would arrive by dusk, so Thor took the opportunity to meet his brother at the lake until then. He had not had a proper conversation with Loki for much too long. Before he left for war, probably. There had never been any time for talking in all those times the Vanir forced them back within Asgard's walls. To be so close yet unable to speak had been near torture for Thor.

So when Thor saw Loki sitting beside the still body of water as light morning snow fell, he could not stop himself from laughing. Loki turned when he heard it and arched an eyebrow at Thor.

"What's so funny?" he asked.

Thor didn't offer a reply. Instead, he sat down beside his brother and kept laughing. It proved to be infectious. Loki began to laugh at Thor's inability to stop laughing. They went on like this for far longer than was reasonable. Thor put a hand on the back of Loki's neck once he was able to get a handle on himself and said, "It has been an age, brother."

"It certainly feels that way."

"And you are of age now! I am sorry I missed it."

Loki rolled his eyes. "I daresay you had a good excuse."

"The fact remains."

By midday, they sat in one of the hunting blinds they had built as children, slaying game in the most impractical means they could come up with. Loki would conjure whatever they needed, and they'd take turns trapping hares and felling deer and, rarely, wild boar. Thor watched his brother line up the intricately carved wooden soup spoon he had summoned with a fox that was slinking lazily through the tall, dead grasses.

Thor said, "Father told me that you still won't talk about what happened with Gullveig."

All the tension in his brother evaporated. Loki lowered the ridiculous weapon and relaxed his back against the wall of the blind. "Is that all he told you?" he said in a quiet voice.

"He seemed rather upset," Thor said dully, which didn't really answer the question. He was sure Loki already knew how frustrated Odin was with him. His brother and father had been living in the same place for _years_. There wasn't exactly a lot of space for them to take breaks from each other. Thor was sure the two of them had butted heads on the issue on more than one occasion. "With the war over, he's not going to have anything to distract him from getting you to tell him what happened."

Loki sighed. "I know."

Thor thought he hadn't seen his brother look so plainly vulnerable since he was in diapers.

"Why don't you want to tell anyone? Mother told me about how you had been flayed." Thor watched for any emotions to flash in Loki's eyes. His brother's self-control was as rock solid as always. But that did not mean that Thor couldn't read his reaction. "That's not what's holding you back, though."

"No. It's not."

"Then what?"

Loki gave Thor an equivocal look. "It is of no consequence. I've told that old man several times over that there is nothing else to know besides that Asgard is perfectly safe and the witch is dead."

"It is not that simple." Not even Thor would accept only that as an answer. "You cannot say that the being that flayed every inch of skin from your body does not wish Asgard harm. At the very least, we have to wonder why they would let you return. It makes no sense."

"I do not wish to argue with you, Thor," Loki said firmly.

"Then don't. Simply tell me what happened. Tell me anything as long as it's true."

Thor held his brother's gaze until Loki let out a long breath through his nose. "I can't."

"Is it the blood magic? Is it silencing you?"

"No, it is not magic. I only wish to keep my secrets."

"At the very least tell me why they flayed you. It is archaic. Barbaric."

Loki's gaze was on the meandering fox that he had been about to kill mere minutes before. He almost looked amused. "After I was skinned, they would rub salt into the wounds. Because the nerves were exposed. Raw." His gaze turned to Thor; a smile like glass. "Then they would burn me."

Thor held his breath. He feared if he made a sound that Loki would stop talking.

"They wanted my help. Can you think of a worse way to win a person's allegiance? You asked why they let me return. They didn't. I saw a chance to escape and I took it. It was not my intention to come back to Asgard. I had thought you would already be on the fields of battle in Vanaheim. The soldiers sent me to Asgard and the All-father when I asked for Thor."

A horn's wail broke whatever state had come over Loki. Thor could virtually see the shutters close in Loki's eyes; see the defenses be raised again.

"We should get back," he said abruptly. "Your cousin. What's his name?"

Thor had to search his memory. "I cannot recall." He was a little embarrassed that he did not remember his own cousin's name. Then again, his brother obviously didn't remember either. (Thor did not notice that Loki had said _your_ cousin.)

Loki said distractedly, "We should get back so we may greet him."

Thor did not want to leave the conversation they had been having, but he really didn't have a choice. The blow of the horn had ended whatever chance he would have had of hearing what happened to his brother. They met the Einherjar at the edge of the forest and rode back to the city with the guards. Thor and Loki met Odin and Frigga on the steps of the palace. It was the first time in far too long that they had stood together and resembled a family. Thor didn't know the reason for the tension that existed between Loki and Odin, nor was he aware of the fact that Loki was not his true brother (or that he was the only one that didn't know this fact). But things didn't feel any different from the way they had all those decades ago when they would greet visiting lords like this. He was simply relieved to be back on familiar ground.

The Einherjar leading the envoy from the harbor stopped before Odin and said, "All-father, your nephew Balder Vilison. Balder Vilison, Odin Borson, King of Asgard and All-father of the Nine Realms." Then he stepped aside to get out of the king's way.

A towheaded youth stepped toward the royal family with a wide smile that was positively radiant. His hair was more golden than even Thor's. He was too shining. He was too perfect. Loki conjured a knife and _threw_ it.

* * *

><p><strong>Note:<strong>

**Bestla is Bor's wife in the myths. I made her Cul's. Dísir are from the comic universe. They're crazy ghosty cannibal Valkyries. (Google 'em, they're pretty bad-ass despite being totally weird.) Idun is from the myths. Her apples don't keep anyone young in this story. (They're just magic restorative apples. Whatever.) Vili is Odin's bro per the myths. Menglad was not his wife until I made her so for this story's purposes. Algron is also a place mentioned in the myths, though it is not the place described above. My Balder is not a good guy like he is in the comics and myths. He's also not Odin's son. (Duh.)**

**Cheers,**

**E.R.**


	7. Chapter 7

The sun was chased across the sky thrice before anyone came to Loki's chambers. Einherjar stood sentinel at his door. Whether to keep him in or others out, he didn't know. All Loki knew with any certainty was that his knife had buried itself into Balder Vilison's neck. Loki saw the blood for himself. Then chaos erupted. Odin was commanding the Einherjar. Frigga went to the blond youth to try to help him. Thor had wheeled around to face Loki with the most peculiar mix of emotions in his eyes. Anything and everything that had a voice was shouting.

The guards wrestled Loki away from the scene before anyone arrived to help their guest. Some strange sense of satisfaction settled in Loki's stomach when he realized that. Ever since then he had been sitting on his bed in his chambers. He didn't know if Balder had died. Though he suspected someone would have come to him bearing chains if that had been true. He didn't know if Odin was the one that confined him to his chambers. Hell, Loki didn't even know if he _was_ confined to his chambers. He didn't try to leave, in any case.

But time went on and he began to second guess himself. He had only laid eyes on Balder Vilison for a fraction of a second before he hurled a knife at him. Perhaps it was a mistake. There were certainly several blond people of Æsir descent. Thor came from Odin's bloodline and he had that golden look about him. It would not be unheard of for this Balder person to appear the same way. Practically the same gene pool, after all. Loki didn't even know what the name of the child that had killed Gullveig was, now that he thought about it.

What he did know was that the cloyingly sweet demeanor that hung around Balder Vilison (for the second that Loki was near him) was the exact same air that hung about the child that had been present for almost all the times that Cul was _persuading_ Loki to help with his cracked plot to steal Asgard's throne.

No. No, Loki was certain that Balder Vilison was the same person that had been in Ginnungagap. He hoped his knife drowned the blond monstrosity in its own blood.

The longer they kept away, though, the more Loki was left to flip-flop back and forth about what he believed to be true. Most of the time he was convinced he did not make a mistake. But when the hours fell on him when he believed otherwise, immense guilt filled his head. He was almost sick with the possibility more than once. He wouldn't kill some child for no reason. He had not reached that level of monstrosity quite yet.

This cycle was broken by Thor. He did not knock on the door. Or perhaps he had and Loki hadn't noticed, so immersed in his possible guilt as he was. Whatever the truth was, Loki had to be physically shaken before he even realized the God of Thunder was even there. Questions bubbled in Loki's throat but he couldn't seem to get them past his lips. Anxiety was upon him. He didn't want to know what had happened. He didn't want to know if he had made a mistake. He didn't want to know if the boy survived. He didn't want to know if he was too far gone.

Thor saw the turmoil in his brother's eyes. He said, "He yet lives."

Loki's chest unlocked and he breathed. Conflicting emotions mixed up inside him. He had always been a conflicted, contradictory being. Thor was looking at Loki expectantly. Belatedly Loki realized that Thor's comment was meant to start a conversation, which meant that it was Loki's turn to speak.

"Thank you for telling me," he managed to say.

Thor did not appear satisfied with that response. Choosing to put that aside for the time being, he told Loki the news that Thor knew his little brother was dying to hear. "Yes, Balder lives. Eir did not know if that would be the case until yesterday. Balder's mother, Menglad, has kicked up a lot of controversy. She calls for your punishment. Much of Asgard has heard what happened and they are inclined to agree. Everyone speaks of your wickedness and senseless violence."

Loki closed his eyes and went still.

_ Wickedness. _

Thor went on, "Mother had called for leniency. Father demands you come before him and explain what the meaning of your actions was. He did not sound as if he would be as lenient as Mother. Balder woke and made a formal statement. He says that he holds nothing against you. He takes no offense. He said that he heard how you were tormented by blood magic, and that people mad from trauma are not responsible for their actions. Balder calls for your pardon."

And Loki laughed. This was without a doubt the same boy that stood at Cul's side.

Thor did not look very happy with Loki's reaction. "Father was forced to grant Balder's request. You will not face any punishment from Asgard for your assassination attempt on our cousin."

Loki laughed harder.

_Punishment._

He was certainly familiar with all flavors of punishment.

"I don't see how any of this is funny, Loki," said Thor.

Loki managed to rein in his mirth. "Don't you see, brother?" he said. "Balder calls for my pardon, but he knows the people of Asgard would exact on me a worse punishment than anything the All-father could ever dream up. And this way there is no end to it! This cousin of yours is much smarter than he appears; the snake."

Thor said, "Asgard is upset with you, upset with the grave insult that you've made. You've embarrassed the throne. They seek to bring you the same humility. With Balder's pardon you maintain all your rights. You are no longer restricted to your rooms. When you leave these walls Mother insists that you have a guard."

All the formal stature fell from Thor's broad shoulders. He sat on the edge of Loki's bed looking troubled. "Why did you do this? I cannot make sense of it. Mother and Father go around as if they know exactly what drove you to sticking a knife in a child's neck. When I demand to know what they know, they tell me nothing. I do not understand! Is it as Balder says? Are you traumatized? Are you mad after what was done to you?"

The laughter popped in Loki's stomach. "Traumatized! Indeed, I must be!" he said with more than a hint of sarcasm.

"Please tell me what is going on in your head, brother. I cannot make sense of any of this. So much has happened and we have been apart for so long that I fear I do not know you any longer."

Loki leaned forward until he was a centimeter from Thor's face. "Perhaps you don't."

There was denial in Thor's eyes. He didn't believe that. Or rather, he didn't _want_ to believe it. But he did realize that he would not get any useful information from Loki when he was like this. So Thor got to his feet. Loki relaxed away from the place where Thor once sat. There was grim satisfaction on his pale face.

"Your guard will be here shortly," he said succinctly.

The door closed not long after the words reached Loki's ears. There was no guilt in him as Thor left. The only thing he felt was relief that he had not mistaken the blond boy for someone else and bitterness that his knife had not killed his target.

Wicked indeed.

He heard the knock on his door when his second visitor arrived. Loki heralded them inside. A woman stepped forward and said quite plainly, "I am to be your guard."

With a different kind of smile spreading like a plague over his face Loki said, "You are no Einherjar."

That much was evident from her uniform. It was lightly armored. She carried no obvious weapon. There was no helmet. The fact that it was a woman was telling enough.

She said, "Very clever of you to have realized."

Loki laughed. He could work with this. "You are kind to say so." Rising to his feet he said, "I am Loki. What may I call you, my lady?"

She didn't smile, but Loki could see the amusement hidden on her face. "I am Sigyn."

"Hm," Loki said. "Does Odin seek to humiliate me by having a woman be my protector?"

"It was actually Thor who chose your guard," she said. "The queen had him select one of the most able and trusted warriors under his command."

"And he sends me a Valkyrie."

"It appears so."

"And you are to accompany me _everywhere_?"

Sigyn nodded her head once.

Loki walked a circuit around his bedchamber. His thoughts raced and tangled. He factored his new companion into his plans, into what he needed to do. Could he lose her when he needed to? Could she be persuaded to help him? To answer those, he knew he had to get a better sense of this woman. He needed to test her, find her boundaries. Loki ceased his walking and turned to his guard with a benign smile across his face.

"I wish to walk in the gardens. It may be best that an accomplished and decorated warrior such as yourself accompany me. There may be dangerous creatures hiding in the grass," he said as if he had a choice. As if she did.

"Expecting to run into rabid bilgesnipes or venomous snakes?" she deadpanned.

Loki laughed again. "You have no idea."

* * *

><p>The topic of the assassination attempt on Balder remained popular in Asgard. It was brought up consistently as time wore on. The Æsir would sit in taverns and have discussions about it. They would work themselves into frenzies about what the meaning of it was. Most spoke in defense of Balder. The blond had quickly grown to be beloved by all of the Æsir. They all adored him. The more that the Æsir came to love Balder, the more upset they became at Loki. Time did not calm their opinions. One would expect them to forget the whole ordeal after so long. The opposite happened. The more well-known and loved Balder became, the hotter tempers burned. Years after the occurrence, the Æsir demanded punishment for Loki.<p>

The people made it no secret that they favored the king's nephew more than his youngest son. As Asgard's attitude toward Loki soured, so too did Loki's attitude toward Asgard's people. It showed viscously. Frigga's insistence that Loki always be accompanied by a guard was not a poor suggestion. Acts of violence seemed to occur wherever Loki went. Very few times did he ever come to harm. If he ever did return to the palace with wounds, it was always when someone other than Sigyn was meant to protect him. Thor grew frustrated with the guards that let harm come to his brother. Eventually it boiled down to Sigyn and Thor taking turns watching Loki's back.

Despite all of the trouble he caused, Loki went about his business. The threat of violence or stirring up trouble did not stop him from going out every single day to the city. He would drink in places he knew people would be disgruntled at his presence. Perhaps he went to these places _because_ he could antagonize people. Sigyn found this rather stupid and also rather amusing. They sat in one of these establishments near every night. Loki did this so that he could figure her character out. So far she proved to be frustratingly hard to read. Even when Loki got her deep into her cups, she remained an enigma. She was nearly as unpredictable as he was. Loki liked it.

Thor was confused by his brother. He heard that Loki caused trouble wherever he went. But whenever Thor's time came to look out for his brother, Loki remained in his chambers. He never went out, never needed protection. Thor was not stupid. He knew that Loki did this on purpose. Loki was distancing himself from Thor. More than anything Thor yearned to understand _why_. Loki might as well have been a stranger. Thor hated it.

Thor cursed the war with Vanaheim for taking him away from Loki. There wouldn't be an abyss between Thor and his brother if it wasn't for all those damn years he spent fighting pointless battles. Loki wouldn't speak one meaningful word to him. Thor's frustration grew so that he stopped trying. He watched Loki sneak around the palace with Sigyn at his side. Thor saw the two of them laughing often. Some bizarre part of Thor was jealous of her. What had she done to earn his brother's confidence that Thor had not? Did Loki tell Sigyn all the things he kept from Thor? Did she get to hear why Loki tried to kill Balder? Did Loki ever tell her what happened to him after he disappeared with Gullveig?

To rid himself of the frustration, Thor took to fighting. He hated that war had driven a wedge into his family, hated that Loki and Odin treated each other with cold formality, hated that he didn't know why. He hated all of it, so he fought. He took the Warriors Three and Sif off on exploratory missions. They left Asgard often and for long stretches at a time. He hunted with his friends. They quested. They returned to Asgard with long-forgotten treasures. He did battle with legendary creatures, giving the trophies to his father. War had ruined what Thor held most dear but he found he could not stop fighting.

After returning from one of these excursions, Thor bid Sif and the Warriors Three good night and headed for the palace. It was during the time that is between late night and early morning. Not wanting to return immediately, Thor wondered the city. It was quiet. There was a serenity about it that one would be hard-pressed to find anywhere else in the city. It was only because he was paying so much attention to the calm that he heard the difference. There was crashing. Fighting. But it did not sound like any blade. There was a crackling about it, as if it were fire. Thor followed the sounds curiously and cautiously. The idea of a fight both excited him and gave him a headache.

The echoes led him to the sparring grounds. He came up short when he heard the laughing. Who would be sparring at this time of night? Thor crept around until he was in a position to see. He couldn't have spoken if he wanted to.

The crackling was magic. Loki and Sigyn were sparring with _seidr_. And they were positively gleeful. Thor had never heard Loki make such an innocently pleased sound. Loki looked carefree. He looked more than just content—he was happy. The two of them circled each other, casting the most beautiful lights Thor had ever seen at each other. Thor had no idea what sort of spell or charm they were trying to hit each other with nor did he know if they would have insidious consequences. But something told Thor there was nothing to worry about. People aiming to harm did not laugh like that.

It was too strange. Thor had never seen Loki like that. He had never seen Sigyn like that either. According to the public, Loki was supposed to be wicked and coarse and Sigyn was stoic and loveless. Thor realized with a start that he was seeing evidence to the contrary. He was seeing love. Whether it was romantic, platonic, or something else entirely he couldn't be certain, but there was undoubtedly love between the Loki and Sigyn.

Thor watched, mesmerized. They could have been dancing. The two of them circled each other and hurled magic without breaking their rhythm. They moved in a spiral, growing closer and closer together. There was a flash of green and white-blue light and it was over. Thor's eyes burned from the explosion of color against the dark night. When his vision returned he saw that Loki stood behind Sigyn, one arm holding her in place and the other wielding a knife to her throat. Thor was ready to intervene but the sound died in his throat when he heard Sigyn say, "I yield."

Loki kissed her neck and Sigyn laughed. The knife melted from existence as if it had never been. Thor felt that he had intruded on something very private.

"What have I won?" Loki said.

"What would you like?" said Sigyn.

There was a pause. "Your help."

Thor could not hear what they were saying after that. Sigyn had spun so that they could speak face-to-face. Loki was speaking quickly, that much Thor could tell. Something was happening that carried an air in stark contrast to the playfulness that was around as they sparred. As carefully and quietly as he could manage, Thor moved closer, desperate to hear but remain out of view. He obtained relative success.

". . .that something horrible has happened. Tell them that someone broke in and attacked. You know what I mean. Tell them about one of the old incidents," Loki was saying. "They will come."

Sigyn said, "And why am I doing this?"

"Do you trust me?"

"Conditionally."

"Do this for me. Please, Sigyn. It is past time this was done."

She took his hand and didn't look in his eyes. Guilt still plucked at Thor for eavesdropping on this conversation. Sigyn said, "Are you leaving?"

Loki pulled his hand out of Sigyn's grip. "You must understand."

"I understand," Sigyn said so softly Thor wasn't certain that she'd said it at all. She took a step back.

"Thank you, Sigyn," Loki said. "I am in your debt."

Sigyn said, "Shut up, Loki," and disappeared.

Thor had no time to think about whether he should leave now or confront Loki about what had just happened because someone else could be heard approaching. Loki turned in the direction of the sound. It was Balder. He went right up to Loki, and Asgard's most loved and most hated stared each other down.

Balder spoke first. "Have you gotten them yet?"

Loki said, "I am working on it as we speak."

"His patience has a limit, you are aware."

"Quite aware."

Thor could hear the tightness and hatred in both their voices. No one on Asgard had ever once heard Balder speak with anything less than love in his voice. Thor wasn't completely convinced that his cousin was not a mere illusion Loki had created.

"You are already stalling his plan," Balder said. "You were meant to retrieve them years ago."

"It seems no one sent me the schedule."

Balder took a menacing step toward Loki and said, "Need I remind you of the contingency plan?"

Loki smiled malevolently. "I was hoping you would."

"Do not think I do not notice. I know how you will react before you do. I know you push that oaf away hoping that I don't use him against you. I know you try as hard as you can to do the same to the queen. You isolate even the All-father despite the hate you have for him. Do not think I believe your indifference toward that woman either. I see you always, _Jötunn_. Yours is a dull and simple race. You are but a hound on a leash."

Thor would not have realized that something had happened if it wasn't for the gasp that came from Balder. There was a blade sticking out of his side. Thor recognized it as the one that was held to Sigyn's throat minutes before. Loki twisted it, causing Balder's knees to buckle. He fell into Loki. Loki held Balder up with a hand around the golden boy's throat.

Loki said, "I told you that if you ever threatened them again I would paint the city with your sniveling blood. You must forgive this dull and simple creature, boy. It is as you said so often. I know nothing but cruelty so all I may offer is cruelty."

Pulling the knife from Balder's body, Loki slashed it across the boy's neck. His ichor covered the both of them. There was a smile on Loki's face.

"Drown in it," Loki said. He released his grip on Balder's throat. The body dropped down to the ground.

Thor got to his feet and ran toward his brother. He shouted, "Loki!"

Loki turned his head toward Thor. He didn't look surprised. Thor was at a loss. He didn't know what to say, what to do, what all of that had been about, what they were talking about. Stopping next to Balder's twitching body, Thor stared between his brother and cousin.

"What?" Thor breathed.

"Tell them the truth," Loki said. Then he spat on Balder.

"Tell who?"

Loki looked toward the palace. The sounds of Einherjar approaching. Thor watched Loki toss his knife so that he gripped the blade. Loki threw it as a dart into Balder's heart. For the first time, Loki looked to Thor with something besides coldness, something genuine in his eyes.

"Do not think too poorly of me, brother," Loki said. It almost sounded like a plea.

Thor shook his head. He didn't know if he was agreeing to Loki's words or refusing them. He tried to say something, but Loki was gone, teleported away. Disappeared. Again.

* * *

><p><strong>Note:<strong>

**I'm pumping the brakes on this operation. By that I mean the Monday-Thursday update schedule is null and void. Doubtful that there will be a reliable schedule from here on out, but I know I definitely won't be posting as often as I did before.**

**Cheers,**

**E.R.**


	8. Chapter 8

It was chaos at the palace. In the end, Thor did as Loki has asked and told the truth. He said that he had seen his brother kill Balder. Thor had said that he saw the two of them talking over things that he didn't understand—that Balder spoke of old threats. Thor told them that Loki had indeed murdered Balder, but that the circumstances and motives were unclear.

The All-father did not seem too concerned with motive. Mere moments after Balder's identity was confirmed, Odin had Loki declared a criminal wanted for murder. Search parties went out to scour the city and all the lands beyond the gates. Word was sent to every realm with which Asgard was in good standing, demanding that they hand over Loki and that they would no longer be called friends of Asgard should that realm shelter him from justice.

But none of that started until after Balder's funeral. They sent him sailing off the shores of Asgard's capital. His mother, Menglad, was furious. If any good came from the death, it was that Algron no longer suffered such terrible riots. The blond youth had been loved even more on his home island than he had been in the few short years that he was kept in the golden city. The natives of Algron were filled with righteous indignation. The tragedy united them. They claimed the house of Odin was filled with deceit and liars—Odin must have had his son kill their beloved, gentle Balder on purpose. Regent Menglad declared that Algron was no longer submissive to the All-father's rule.

In effect, Algron's secession incited a civil war.

The pressure was felt by all of Asgard. Several other territories, especially those that were governed by friends of Menglad, seceded from Odin's rule. They wanted justice for Balder. The people spoke of Odin issuing only empty threats. They said that Odin had Loki kill Balder, and now the youngest son was being kept in hiding by Odin himself. The king was making a show of searching for his wanted son only so no one would notice that he was the one hiding Loki. There were whispers about how Loki had really been well and truly mad since the blood spell was performed on him as a child. Of course Odin could convince his son to murder someone—there were already screws loose in the second prince's head! The people scoffed at the All-father's declarations and talked of how the king would pardon his son in a decade or more, claiming insanity had pushed him to commit the slaying of Balder Vilison. The king may say that Loki was a criminal and wanted for punishment, but it was all a farce—a way to placate the unruly subjects. Odin would keep his son out of sight until all the uproar died down.

_Why_ Odin would have his son kill his nephew no one really seemed to know. There were outrageous conspiracy theories, but none of them were able to build a strong case for why the All-father would want Balder dead. Old squabbles were whispered about—Odin and Vili had never gotten along. Odin was exacting his revenge on his brother a generation later. The All-father's ability to rule was called into question by the most radical of rebels. Overall, there was no _good_ reason that anyone could come up with for why Odin would want Balder dead. All of Asgard (and former-Asgard) knew this, but they went on as if it didn't matter. Some just wanted an excuse to hate and criticize Odin, and this gave them that opportunity. (They already hated Loki and didn't really need another reason to condemn him, not that they minded getting together and talking about their mutual hatred for the second son of Odin.)

None of this, of course, was true. Odin knew not where his youngest was. Nor did Thor. Frigga didn't know where he could have possibly gone. Heimdall couldn't see him. It wasn't until it was discovered—several days after Balder's funeral—that Idun's apples were missing from one of the vaults that the All-father declared that Loki was no longer eligible in the line of succession. He made it clear that Loki was an enemy of the throne, but that the wayward son was still Odin's family. Perhaps the All-father was trying to make up for something he hadn't said when Loki was still living under his roof, but Odin wanted Loki to know—wherever he was—that he was and always would be Odinson. Not even coldblooded murder could make Odin disown Loki (though it certainly did make him furious).

Odin had Sigyn arrested. They interrogated her relentlessly. She told them that it was Loki who had taken Idun's apples. Sigyn said he had enchanted her and manipulated her into being his accomplice. She didn't know that he was going to kill Balder, but she did know that he intended to sneak away with one of the strongest restoratives in all the Nine Realms.

Thor knew parts of what the Valkyrie said were false, but everything she said_ felt_ like truth. He wondered how far she had to go within herself to say those words. _Had_ Loki been manipulating her that whole time? It was a definite possibility. But from all the times Thor had seen the two of them together . . . that _had_ to have been real. Loki was ever a talented actor and liar (same thing, really), but Thor had never seen a truer smile on Loki's face than those times that Thor saw his brother in the Lady Sigyn's company.

Regardless, Thor didn't raise any questions to her account of what happened. Whatever she said, Sigyn probably said with good intent. She was one of the smartest and bravest people Thor had ever met. Whatever her reasons for lying were, they were probably valid. He wondered what she knew. What had Loki told her to gain her trust? Surely he must have had to share with her some truths about what had happened to him all that time ago before Thor went to war; those three years of time missing from Loki's log. It was not as if Thor could simply go ask Sigyn what she knew because the All-father had already asked her and what would make her want to share anything with Thor if she didn't want to for the king? Also, Sigyn was serving a sentence of imprisonment for her role as an accomplice to Loki's egregious crimes at the moment. She would not be available for private discussion for at least several years.

Thor did not have several years.

More than anything, Thor longed to know what had happened in those three years. They had changed Loki in ways Thor was only now beginning to understand. It made him nervous. Thor could hardly predict Loki's behavior when they had spent an eternity growing up together. Now he had even less sense what his brother would do next. Indeed, he didn't know why Loki'd killed Balder, why he took the apples, where he went, _anything_. Thor was quite confident that, if he knew where those three years were spent, all of this would make horrifying sense.

Loki was declared a thief in addition to a murderer. There were bounties put out on his head by Odin himself. Mere information regarding his whereabouts was eligible for monetary reward. His punishment had already been decided. Thor had been in attendance to the council that decided it. _When_—and it was always 'when' and not 'if'—Loki was brought back to Asgard, he would face binding for all eternity. He would not be granted the luxury of a cell. Bound and played with like a toy—picked apart like an experiment._ Humiliated._ Thor thought his brother would prefer death. Loki liked to roam and wander and explore and learn. It was as good a punishment as any. Take away what he lived for and what was left? Just an empty shell tied to a rock for the rest of his days.

Odin had Sigyn's official statement shared through all of Asgard. More and more lands were renouncing Odin as their king and joining forces with Menglad. A new Asgard was forming, and it infuriated Odin. The realm was still reeling from the war with Vanaheim; they had not yet fully recovered. Food was still scarce, resources limited. They could hardly afford to start fighting amongst themselves. Menglad refused to talk with Odin and his council about reuniting Asgard until Loki was surrendered to her custody—she was _convinced_ that the All-father housed him despite his word to the contrary. The more territories that rebelled against them made war look inevitable. No matter how much Odin insisted that Loki had acted on his own will, it did not convince enough. Because Odin did not renounce Loki, it was hard for those who were on the fence about the whole incident to believe the All-father. Wouldn't anyone whose son was kinslayer sever all ties? That Odin would not was seen as suspicious by most (and not an act of loyalty, as Odin had hoped).

Forces were clumping together and lines were being drawn. As more and more territories claimed sovereignty, they decided to band together under Menglad's rule. They democratically elected her chancellor. Walls were constructed, separating Asgard from once-Asgard. Armies gathered but no aggressions were made. There wasn't enough food, not enough people to tend the fields. Should any other power want to attack Asgard, now would be an excellent time to do so—the realm split and in shambles. (The newly-minted peace with Vanaheim was vital at this time, since the Vanir had agreed to defend against entity that would threaten Asgard, and Asgard against any threat to Vanaheim. Not that Vanaheim was in that much of a better state than Asgard. At least they weren't falling apart into two poverty-stricken, starving nations.) It all seemed like a case of grief being blown out of proportion. An entire realm was being torn open over the death of a boy.

"All of this can end—Asgard can be made whole again," Menglad always wrote to Odin when he tried to bring peace back to the realm, "if only you surrender Loki to Algron."

No matter how many times Odin said that he did not shelter Loki, Menglad would not listen. After so long, it became clear that she didn't care if Odin had his son close at hand or not. She was not interested in leading any of her followers back under Odin's rule—and those allies would follow Menglad to Helheim, if that's where she wanted to go—unless Loki was in her custody. All those who had seceded had hitched their wagons to a leader wild with grief. She'd lost her husband and son in a relatively (for the Æsir) short period of time. She wanted someone to feel her wrath, her pain. And she would not stop tearing the realm to shreds until Loki felt it too.

(They had never really spoken of it with anyone, but Odin, Frigga, and Thor all firmly believed that Loki had experienced someone's wrath and pain long before Menglad felt the suffering loss brings. But that was beside the point and did nothing to solve the issue at hand.)

Thor spent most of his days searching for reasons. All day he would scour the palace looking for anything that would inspire insight into his brother's behavior. He was convinced that Loki had killed Balder in defense of the family. Somehow, Loki had met Balder before he came to the palace. (The obvious explanation was that they had encountered each other in the time Loki was away from Asgard. But that wasn't without confusion, because as far as Thor knew, Balder was completely accounted for on Algron with his mother during the war—since the heir needed to be preserved in the event of the lord's death.) Thor figured they had not gotten along. That was pretty obvious because Loki threw a knife into the boy's neck the moment he saw him. Only a few years later, Loki finished the job and outright killed the boy.

So . . . Thor figured that Loki and Balder—however they knew each other—had not been friendly. Probably enemies. It was entirely possible that Loki _had_ become a little unhinged during his time away from Asgard before Thor went off to make war. But Thor was inclined to believe that Loki had been in full control of his mind (and thus his ability to make decisions) when he met and killed Balder. It was almost as if Loki had known that Thor was going to be there, too—like he had wanted Thor to see what he was going to do. Loki wanted Thor to know that he was only going to kill Balder because he was protecting the family . . . and Sigyn, if Thor understood Balder's words correctly.

Protecting them? Fine. But from what? What in all the realms was Loki trying to shield Asgard, his _family_ from? What had caught Loki like a salmon in a net after he'd disappeared with Gullveig? Whoever it was, Thor thought it was reasonable to conclude that was the person that needed the apples. Balder had called Loki a hound on a leash. It made a certain degree of sense.

There was the part of the overheard conversation that Thor had been purposefully ignoring. Balder had called Loki a Jötunn. Thor told himself that his cousin must have simply meant it as an insult even though 'Frost Giant' was supposed to be the more derogatory word. What really made the whole exchange infuriating was that Loki had done nothing to deny it. He had made no comment about the word as if it could not be contested—as if it were true.

Thor felt as if he were betraying his brother by even thinking about it. Loki couldn't be a Frost Giant. There was nothing Jötunn about him. Then again, there was very little that Thor knew for a fact about the Frost Giants which he could use to compare with Loki. All he had ever been told was that they were cruel savages (which had been told to him by his father right after he returned from war, so their validity was in doubt).

_Cruelty_.

Balder and Loki had said something about cruelty. It was all Loki knew, so it was all he could give in return. Thor felt sick. Thankfully, a distraction presented itself in the form of a servant girl. She had knocked on the door and opened it when there was no reply.

Leaning tentatively into the room, she said, "Sir, your presence is requested in the throne room. The All-father and gatekeeper wait for you."

Thor nodded his head in acknowledgement. The girl slid out of the room and closed the door so gently Thor didn't even hear it. He pulled himself up from his seat and attempted to make himself look like he hadn't been brooding all day. There was civil unrest in the realm, and all Thor had been thinking about for the past few years was where his brother was. As if knowing that would make all of _this_ go away. As if knowing why Loki had done the things he'd done was going to make everyone else forget about it.

Thor spent the entire walk from his chambers to the throne room trying to shake his brother from his mind. There was actual work to be done. There was food to find. Asgard had been reaching out to allies, asking for help with things as simple as food and seeds for the fields. There had been robberies and vandalism—random, rash acts of mayhem—on Asgard's farms. The people living near the recently-erected walls separating loyalists from revolutionaries were the main victims. Food was stolen out of fields, livestock from ranches. In the years since Balder's death and the splitting of the land, Thor had been on many a diplomatic mission to foreign realms to ask for aid. Almost always, it was granted (but not first without some ruckus).

Thoughts of corn and cows took over the space that Loki had been occupying in Thor's mind. Surely his father wanted him to go out seeking aid again. Thor had forgotten that the girl had told him that Heimdall was waiting for him as well. A little bit of surprise snuck up on the god of thunder when he entered the barren throne room to see two of the most powerful beings in the Nine waiting for him. Never before had the gatekeeper been in attendance to these agricultural meetings. Thor knew then that this was about something else.

"Well, don't just stand there," Odin said impatiently, for Thor had stopped his approach when he saw Heimdall.

He started back up again, moving much more slowly than before. Wary. Once he stood before both Odin and Heimdall, Thor said, "You summoned me."

"Indeed," said Odin. "Heimdall has seen something rather . . . troubling."

Thor turned his attention to the gatekeeper.

Heimdall said, "I turned my sight to Jötunheim and saw something rather troubling. Loki was leading a team of four Dísir into Utgard, presumably to kill their king, Laufey."

That appeared to be all that he had to say. Thor knew that he had a lot of questions about those two sentences but none of the words would form. His mind was stuck. If his brother were there, Thor knew that he'd be making some comment about so few words short circuiting the mighty Thor's brain. Heimdall's words echoed so loudly in Thor's head that it stopped everything else. He may have even stopped breathing for a moment.

_Loki. _

_ Jötunheim. _

_ Dísir. _

_ Utgard. _

_ Kill Laufey._

"What?" Thor managed to croak.

Odin said, "Heimdall has seen Loki infiltrate the Jötnar's royal stronghold. One of his _companions—_" and he said that word with as much disdain and disgust that he could, "—compromised the endeavor. Whatever they were trying to do, it was stopped. It is not important _why_ he was there since nothing happened." Odin stared meaningfully into Thor. "Be that as it may, the Jötnar have seized and imprisoned Loki and his accomplices, and they believe that they meant to assassinate King Laufey. They mean to execute all five of them."

Thor shook his head, still overwhelmed. "W-why would he be in Jötunheim? And the Dísir! They are legend, aren't they?"

Before he could carry on voicing his confusion, Odin said, "Something as powerful as Idun's apples could succeed in resurrecting the Dísir. How they came to be under Loki's command is a better question than where they came from. Heimdall cannot see any more Dísir in all the worlds besides the ones in Loki's company. It appears that they have been entirely destroyed, though we know nothing with any certainty where your brother is involved."

_Brother. Jötunn. Cruelty. _

There was no more evading the question. Thor said, "Is there something about Jötunheim that would make it attractive to Loki? Is there a reason he would want to kill their king?"

The look Odin gave him confirmed all of the guiltiest thoughts in Thor's head. "It is not _important_ why he was there, Thor. Loki has committed crimes in Asgard. He is wanted here, _in Asgard_."

Thor stared at his father dimly. He didn't know how much longer he could tolerate Loki popping in and out of existence on the periphery of his life, leaving a million questions in his wake. "You want me to break him out of Jötunheim and bring him back here."

There was something akin to pride in Odin's single eye though the rest of his face remained impassive. "I gave you no such order."

Conflicted emotions waged war within Thor. His brother was not his brother—Odin had all but said so just now. Not only were they not related, but they were not even the same kind of being. His brother was a monster that had gone out in the company of monsters to kill another monster.

_Monster._

_ Cruelty._

_ (What's so funny?)_

Thor steeled himself and looked to both Heimdall and Odin. He said, "What must I do?"

* * *

><p><strong>Note:<strong>

**For the record, I think Odin's an awful parent and a bigger douche than I write him as in this story. Also, Utgard is acting as the palace/stronghold of ****Jötunheim (per myths).**


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